Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success
Edward Everett hale
Moral Injury
Scott Mann, is a man of many talents. He’s accomplished in every area of life. He is a former Green Beret, husband, father, keynote speaker, leadership development coach, a playwright, actor, and activist.
Scott would probably hate that I called him an activist, but his actions are causing others to be moved to take action. He is an advocate for his fellow soldiers, his Afghanistan partner forces. He’s a man of many talents, however, the thing I respect most about Scott Mann, and his family, is they are all never out of the fight. He is fighting a war of information and awareness to create a national conversation.
There is no man in America that saw John Wayne’s 1968 movie The Green Beret’s that did not want to wear the beret. There is a certain mystique about special operations, and operators, that captures the imagination of Americans, we venerate heroism, and in the special forces we offer ample opportunities to the operators to make themselves heroic. They take us up on the offer and then some. Many special operators have been on hundreds of missions. The most elite have gone into the gates of hell for strangers and come back with them alive, often at the cost of their own lives.
Many serve in combat gallantly with honor and live with scars. Some of the scars are physical including catastrophic injury, loss of limbs, traumatic brain injury, post traumatic stress. The come home from war physically whole but mentally they are still in the fight. They say that special forces are never out of the fight and that is true. Although they are never out of the fight in battle, the fight back home may be more challenging. When your serving in the armed forces the first thing you learn is that you are part of a team effort, when you go so far as to qualify as a special forces operator you have a self contained team that is capable of operating as a small self contained unit, each operator serving a specific role, many cross trained in numerous roles for redundancy of capability. We think of these men as heroes and treat them as such (as we should) however they are not supermen they are ordinary men doing extraordinary things.
“De Oppresso Liber” the motto of the green beret, traditionally believed to mean “to free from oppression” or “to liberate the oppressed” in abbreviation in English “DOL”. Alongside the CIA, they were the first Americans on the ground in Afghanistan as the first strike back in the Global War on Terror, only one month after 9/11. The green beret’s were used extensively in Afghanistan and they were deeply invested in cultivating trust in the indigenous population’s partner forces, and the people of Afghanistan. In doing so many lived inside villages with the people implementing a COIN (Counterinsurgency) strategy. Discussed in the excerpt below.
A Strategy of Tactics: Population – centric COIN And the Army
“Population-centric counterinsurgency (COIN) has become the American Army’s new way of war. The principles and ideas that emerged out of the Army’s counterinsurgency field manual (FM), FM 3-24, published in late 2006, have become transcendent.
The field manual has moved beyond simple Army doctrine for countering insurgencies to become the defining characteristic of the Army’s new way of war.
In the American Army today, everyone is a counterinsurgent. It is easy to find examples of FM 3-24’s permeating effect in other Army doctrinal manuals such as FM 3-0, Operations, and FM 3-07, Stability Operations. Lieutenant General William B. Caldwell, IV, the American Army general charged with writing the Army’s doctrine, recently stated:
The future is not one of major battles and engagements fought by armies on battlefields devoid of population; instead, the course of conflict will be decided by forces operating among the people of the world. Here, the margin of victory will be measured in far different terms than the wars of our past. The allegiance, trust, and confidence of populations will be the final arbiters of success.
The idea of populations as the prize in war, that they are the focus, is drawn directly from the pages of FM 3-24.2″
The fact is that the special forces have had an outsized role in war fighting. As the years went on and administrations, and milatary leadership changed, so to did foreign policy and strategy.
Many special forces operators have lived with and worked with the indigenous people and the partner forces of Afghanistan.
According to the Institute for the Study of War
Afghanistan National Army consisted of the following
“The Afghan National Army (ANA) is divided into five combat Corps. The Corps function as regional commands and are deployed throughout the country. In addition to the 201st Corps in Kabul, the 203rd Corps is based in Gardez; the 205th Corps is based in Kandahar; the 207th Corps is based in Herat; the 209th Corps is based in Mazar-e-Sharif. The kandak, or battalion, of 600 troops is the basic unit of the ANA. Most kandaks are infantry units. As of April 2009, there were roughly 80,000 soldiers in the ANA.”
US Army Publication
For a long period of time in man milatary actions we fought, shoulder-to-shoulder with and for Afghans. Deep personal bonds were formed with our counterparts in the ANA, special forces stood up commandos in Afghanistan and those men in some cases gave their lives for our men as did our special forces for them. The fact the war stretched over two decades had many soldiers and special forces serve multiple terms.
War is a rapacious creditor and it take more than it give and it takes everything, life, limb and liberty, war should be the last resort because nothing is created in war, war destroys, the fellowship of soldiers and support of the people create unity, and through a unified effort, reconstruction and restoration is possible. However in the case of Afghanistan the war for hearts and minds was not as easy to win as we thought.
Responsibility and Oversight
COIN (Counter Insurgency) strategy is something that takes time. If you operate an Army in a place with a dedicated insurgent force, Army doctrine estimates a counter insurgency may take twenty years to overcome. In the case of Afghanistan, Pakistan offered the Taliban a safe haven inside their borders, it offered the Taliban time to plan, reequip, and prepare for a counteroffensive. When the Doha agreement was signed in 2020 is set out a plan for withdraw.
This plan outlined a strategy for the country to be turned over to the Taliban, a peaceful withdraw from the country and certain guarantees the Taliban were bound to. The central aspect being security for the withdrawing American forces and an agreement not to punish the members of the Afghan National Army (ANA). Very quickly that agreement and the permission it granted for the Taliban to enter the country was used as the cover for a massive counter offensive that swept rapidly across the country. The terms of the agreement were not honored and the regular army forces were not able or willing to repulse the Taliban. The lack of resistance to their advance rapidly changed an orderly withdraw to what we saw on the news during the retrograde withdraw. A hasty departure, loading Americans and Afghans on planes and flying out of the country. The problem is that the speed of advance was not conducive to withdrawing our partners. Many were left behind as was a massive amount of equipment.
As we left behind our equipment, we also left behind many of the men and women who had been our: guides, interpreters, soldiers, intelligence officers and special forces. In the case of some of these partners they were able to board a plane and escape our common enemy. Soldiers, most especially special forces operators like the green beret’s had suffered a serious moral injury. That of a soldier in a war that ends without warning and leaves them wondering, was this worth it. Many had suffered injury from war, post traumatic stress, traumatic brain injury, physical wounds, and deeply disturbing feelings and images they returned home with. The hidden scars of war are sometimes the ones you die from at home. Many of our soldiers who have shouldered the burden and horror of war are faced with the fact that everything they had promised their friends was erased with the stroke of a pen.
Agreement for Bringing Peace to Afghanistan between Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan (Taliban) and the United States of America February 29, 2020 A comprehensive peace agreement in four parts:
Guarantees and enforcement mechanisms that will prevent the use of the soil of Afghanistan by any group or individual against the security of the United States and its allies.
Guarantees, enforcement mechanisms, and announcement of a timeline for the withdrawal of all foreign forces from Afghanistan.
After the announcement of guarantees for a complete withdrawal of foreign forces and timeline in the presence of international witnesses, and guarantees and the announcement in the presence of international witnesses that Afghan soil will not be used against the security of the United States and its allies, the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan which is not recognized by the United States as a state and is known as the Taliban will start intra-Afghan negotiations with Afghan sides on March 10, 2020, which corresponds to Rajab 15, 1441 on the Hijri Lunar calendar and Hoot 20, 1398 on the Hijri Solar calendar.
A permanent and comprehensive ceasefire will be an item on the agenda of the intra-Afghan dialogue and negotiations. The participants of intra-Afghan negotiations will discuss the date and modalities of a permanent and comprehensive ceasefire, including joint implementation mechanisms, which will be announced along with the completion and agreement over the future political roadmap of Afghanistan.
Doha Agreement Signed 3/10/2020
The Doha agreement called for a timeline spanning nine and a half months, freed 5,000 prisoners, and offered a guarantee from the United States and our coalition partners not to interfere or intercede in Afghanistan. That agreement was not honored by the Taliban, why are we sitting idle here debating. People are dying in Afghanistan right now, this is the cost of this war to our partners. Their lives are at risk, and they have placed their trust in us to save them.
Why aren’t we?
(Below Timeline from Guardian Below for reference)
Timeline: Taliban’s sweeping offensive in Afghanistan
The fall of Kabul to the Taliban caps off a swift military campaign as US-led foreign forces pulled out of the country
The Taliban have entered Afghanistan’s capital Kabul and taken over the presidential palace, capping a sweeping military campaign as US-led foreign forces pull out of the country.
The Taliban Offensive Timeline
May
In early May, NATO begins a final withdrawal of its mission in Afghanistan involving 9,600 soldiers – 2,500 of them American.
Intense fighting soon breaks out between the Taliban and government forces in the southern province of Helmand.
A bomb blast outside a girls’ school on 8 May in Kabul kills 85, mostly pupils.
The deadliest attack in a year is blamed on the Taliban, though they do not claim it.
US forces withdraw from one of Afghanistan’s largest airbases in Kandahar, the country’s second-biggest city, in mid-May.
The insurgents then seize districts in Wardak province near Kabul, and in the key province of Ghazni, which straddles roads connecting the capital to Kandahar.
June
By mid-June they have captured several districts in northern provinces, forcing military retreats.
The Taliban take control of the main Shir Khan Bandar border crossing with Tajikistan on 22 June, prompting the Central Asian country to check the combat readiness of its armed forces.
July
Officials on 2 July announce the departure of all American and NATO troops from Bagram, Afghanistan’s biggest airbase, which served as the linchpin of US-led operations in the country for two decades.
Two days later, the Taliban seize the key district of Panjwai in Kandahar, the insurgents’ birthplace and former bastion.
The Taliban announce the capture of Islam Qala, Afghanistan’s biggest border crossing with Iran, on 9 July.
On 14 July, the insurgents take control of the Spin Boldak border crossing with Pakistan, a major trade route between the two countries.
The Taliban offensive escalates sharply with a new focus on urban centers as the insurgents attack the cities of Lashkar Gah, Kandahar and Herat.
The United States and Britain say the Taliban may have committed war crimes, accusing the insurgents of “massacring civilians” in the town of Spin Boldak.
August
Tuesday 3: Eight people are killed in a coordinated Taliban-claimed bomb and gun attack targeting the Afghan defense minister and several lawmakers in Kabul.
Friday 6: The Taliban shoot dead the head of the Afghan government’s media information center at a mosque in the capital. They also capture their first Afghan provincial capital, the city of Zaranj in southwestern Nimroz, “without a fight”.
Monday 9: The northern city of Kunduz follows on Sunday 8 August and Monday 9th, along with Sheberghan, Sar-e-Pul, Taloqan, Aibak and Farah. In what becomes a familiar pattern, fighters reportedly swept into Aibak without meeting any resistance.
The deputy chief of Samangan province confirmed that the local governor had withdrawn his soldiers in order to protect the civilian population.
Despite the bloodshed and sweeping advances, US president Joe Biden gives no suggestion he will delay the troop withdrawal, which is to be completed by 31 August, ahead of the 20th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.
Wednesday 11: With the key besieged northern city of Mazar-i-Sharif the next Taliban target, Afghan president Ashraf Ghani flies up to rally his forces.
But his visit is overshadowed by the surrender of hundreds of Afghan soldiers in nearby Kunduz and the overnight capture of a ninth provincial capital, Faizabad. Pul-e-Khumri, 140km north of Kabul, also falls.
The US military warns that the whole of Afghanistan could fall “within 90 days”.
Thursday 12: The Taliban capture Ghazni, 150km (90 miles) south-west of Kabul. Herat in the west falls the same day.
Friday 13: Kandahar, the southern city which saw a lot of fighting in the 20-year war, falls, followed by and Lashkar Gah.
Saturday 14: Asadabad and Gardez follow on Saturday along with Mazar-i-Sharif, which Ghani had visited just three days earlier.
Sunday 15: The eastern city of Jalalabad is taken over by the insurgents early in the morning Sunday, leaving Kabul the only remaining major Afghan city still under government control.
Ghani flees the country, reportedly to Tajikistan, and the Taliban enter the capital, eventually taking position in the presidential palace. In a statement, Ghani admits the insurgents have “won”.
Imperative for National Unity
In the wake of the calamitous retrograde withdrawal there are a tremendous number of people who have suffered a terrible grievance. In many cases the injures are literal and moral, physical and mental. This suffering comes with all war, but the extraordinary circumstances that surrounded the Global War on Terror created a serious crisis. There are many people who suffered the loss of the friends and comrades and the loss seems senseless in the wake of the Taliban take over. There are efforts in congress at oversight and in many cases there is talk of finding the responsible parties for the mistakes made. Although I agree that oversight is necessary the fact that the war is not over in Afghanistan for former members of the ANA and especially the most elite leads me to conclude all our efforts at this time should be directed to saving lives. If we do not act soon many of the most dedicated and highly trained partners of America in the GWOT (Global War on Terror) may be killed. Even if they are not captured, tortured or killed, poverty may kill the weakest members of their families, elderly, and children.
THESE ARE THE FACTS
We did not successfully evacuate our partner forces, an need to do so.
Doha Agreement was not honored by Taliban, and they are targeting former members of the ANA.
The most elite, highly trained forces: intelligence, targeting, special forces, are now prime targets for revenge killings.
The Taliban is carrying out targeted, revenge killings, actively hunting members of the ANA (especially commandos).
Upon capture the Taliban often torture and kill our former partners.
Fear of reprisal is creating a situation known collaborators of the US are not able to safely work.
The process to issue a US Visa is lengthy, and complex, and often very difficult for a non-native speaker.
You cannot legally travel outside Afghanistan without a visa, so our partners must wait a long time to get one.
If former soldiers or special forces leave Afghanistan to flee the violence, they are arrested and returned to the Taliban.
If these former ANA members are returned to the Taliban, or found by the Taliban, they are frequently tortured or killed.
The great number of people fleeing Afghanistan, created a major humanitarian crisis for those who have to wait at home.
If you must stay in Afghanistan and wait for a visa and your cannot work due to violence your family suffers poverty.
Soldiers in hiding since the fall are running out of resources and time, we must act.
If we do not prioritize the most at risk soldiers, and partners, in Afghanistan many of them will die.
The Afghan Adjustment Act provides for shortfalls created by the fall of Afghanistan.
If this bill is passed it will help increase the speed and efficiency of visa processing
We need to supply families with humanitarian supplies immediately to avoid a humanitarian crisis.
As Colin Powell said of the first gulf war “you break it you buy it” – We broke it – time now to pay for our mistakes.
If we turn and run from this problem, debate and assign blame, and do not pass this bill – many people will die.
If we do not accept responsibility for our mistakes it is likely to negatively impact recruitment at home.
If we refuse to honor the most basic tenant of war “Never leaving men behind” we are compounding moral injury.
If we do not honor our promise to partner forces around the world we are not likely in the future to find cooperation.
Departure from Afghanistan
Morning of the Fall
Loading people on planes
Retrograde Evacuation
The cost of war is high but,
human life priceless.
We must rise to the moment,
meeting it as our best selves.
We must insist our elected leadership, does the same.
The war has cost many lives some of the best and brightest young warriors have been lost, special forces have suffered disproportionately in America and in Afghanistan. We must honor the gallantry and the valor of these brave men who gave their last full measure for the fellow soldiers.
In one case I can think of an interpreter threw himself in front of a suicide bomber saving his American counterparts. In another story an Afghan Commando during an assult what shot multiple times in the chest (bullets hitting his plate carrier with bullet proof plates) he did not stop his assult, he continued to his objective and stayed in the fight to protect his comrades from America and Afghanistan.
Our partners believed in us, saw a glimpse of representative government and civil order they had not enjoyed, saw young girls in school and women in the workforce, The Taliban would like to reverse all the advancements that Afghanistan enjoyed for two decades.
Those freedoms were proof that the way of life in America was one that afforded all people opportunity and treated people with dignity. We cannot throw those two decades away, and with them the many great sacrifices that American and Afghan forces fought so hard for.
Afghanistan Much Needed Legislation
There is legislation in front of congress that has many provisions that can right some of the wrong that has been done. That takes responsibility and creates an opportunity to help more people, more quickly and that will save lives. This vote represents lives, for every day we wait more people die. Those deaths are not our responsibility however taking immediate action is and we must. In light of the fact that President Biden has extended the permission to work
Motivate Leadership
I think our elected leaders are motivated to act, the congressional testimony was heartfelt and moving, but the wheels of justice turn slowly, they may need our help greasing the gears to motivate corrective actions. Call your congressmen, and senators, visit their offices. Ask them to vote yes on the Afghan Adjustment Act, but insist they do something now to support Afghans! Create a safe haven for our dedicated partners in Afghanistan to find shelter before it is too late.
Why Americans Should Care
The fact is, this is not the end of a movie, where the hero walks off with an orphan, despite his terrible personal loss, he redeems himself and keeps his fallen comrades promise, to care for the oppressed. In real life, real hero’s, like Scott Mann, and many others, did not have any opportunity to save the people they came to know, and to love, as brothers-in-arms and comrades in war. They were pulled out of the country before they could get them out. In the case of Scott Mann and his friends, dedicated veterans they refused to accept that nothing could be done and successfully evacuated a huge number of people in “Operation Pineapple, which you can read about in Scott Mann’s book of the same name, shown here.
Inside these pages are incredible stories, of many brave and capable American veterans, who refused to leave their men behind, and refused to shirk their responsibility to do the right thing for those who served our nation so well. An incredible story of honor, valor and bravery, to protect oppressed people they came to know, and love as partners in Afghanistan. We cannot leave our brothers and sisters to fend for themselves at the hands of our ruthless enemy. We must all take personal responsibility. Obviously Scott and his friends are trained warriors, and regular Americans cannot offer the same kind of support as they had.
However it’s our responsibility to speak to our elected leaders, and make our voices heard. They must know that it is in the interest of our nation, and individual lawmakers, to live up to their sworn oaths. They promised to protect us from enemies foreign and domestic. Will we not extend the same courtesy of protection to our comrades over two decades of war? If this happened during WWII, would we have left England in the hands of the Nazi’s, if they had been successful occupying the island? Of course not, we would never abandon our allies.
In some cases, people may think we gave our blood and treasure for over twenty years and we do not owe them anything. I would urge anyone to objectively look at the actions of the Afghan partners and tell me why they do not qualify for equal treatment as a partner? Some fear foreign cultures or unfamiliar religions, and equate radical terrorist, like the Taliban, with mainstream Islam. Nothing could be farther from the truth, Islam is one of the world’s great religions, along with Christianity, and Judaism. While there are radical Islamic terrorist, they are in a very small minority. Just as neo-Nazi’s and white supremacists who identify as Christians, do not represent the Christian faith, neither then do Islamic terrorist represent mainstream Islam.
There are radicals of many religions. Safeguards are in place to screen, and control whom is applying for, and getting a visa. I would urge you to look to your elected officials, and ask them to provide humanitarian aid (as we had stipulated we would in the Doha Agreement) and honor our promise to our loyal Afghan partners.
The formula used to use fear and misinformation to generate fear and create hate. This is the formula of our enemies, one that is often used to poison the well for people willing to partner with Americans. They are told America will not honor their promises, they will use you, they will cut and run when things get tough and they will use the departure from Afghanistan as proof it is all true. If the Taliban use the formula today, it is not relying on misinformation to gain acceptance only history,
Personal Responsibility
“What’s Past is Prologue”
The Tmpest William Shakespere
The fact of the matter is, mistakes were made, not by one man, or one nation, one religion, or one group, but by many. There were mistakes made over four presidencies, changes in milatary leadership, war plans, the Doha Agreement was created, and never honored. We did cut and run to save face, and to make sure Taliban leaders could not claim victory.
Regardless of these mistakes the war is not over.
The Taliban is still killing their enemies. We can do something now and create a present that ensures our future will be brighter, or we can do nothing, and watch, as our enemy acts with impunity, killing innocent civilians, and former members of the ANA. We can fix the issues with visa processing and support humanitarian aid or we can do nothing allowing the process to take so long many will die, either at the hands of the enemy or by the hands of poverty and degradation.
We can do what we chose. My advice to you is chose to help. If you can volunteer choose one of the many foundations, organizations, or institutions that are set up to support humanitarian aid in Afghanistan. Insist your elected officials lives up to his or her oath. Do not accept a politician whom who choses to play at culture wars to win elections while “Rome Burns”. My fellow Americans we are the the greatest country on earth, the most wealthy, the most powerful and the most just. If we live up to our traditions and history we will come through this terrible time as victors.
If we chose to do nothing and we cannot get young people to join the milatary in sufficient numbers, or cannot find willing partners in future wars, whom should we blame, the Taliban? Is it the Taliban ‘s responsibility to tell Americans to insist on justice, on fairness? Is it there responsibility to make America live up to our high standards, and take our role as a global superpower seriously. Or is it our President’s, our Congress, our Senate, and our citizens who makes those things happen. Folks we are the greatest counry in the world we better start to act like it.
Take Action Today!
Look up your elected officials in congress and in the senate, contact their office and ask them to vote yes on the Afghan Adjustment Act legislation (H.R.8685 – Afghan Adjustment Act) https://www.congress.gov/bill/117th-congress/house-bill/8685.
Insist we do what we know we must, what we know is right, insist our leaders take action immediately. Our partners cannot wait on our debate about responsibility, and who’s at fault – they do not have the luxury of time. Oversight is absolutely necessary, and finding the responsible parties very important, if we don’t want to repeat this terrible mistake in the future.
Past is prologue, what happened yesterday points to what may happen tomorrow. Lets be our best selves put partisan differences aside for a change and concentrate on things we can cooperate on and do together now, so that history records our actions. History will remember, what we chose in this case. Think about the consequences and chose wisely. God Bless You and God Bless the United States of America, land of the free, home of the brave!
Afghanistan’s Commandos are hunted and killed every day as the Taliban sweep across the country in a series of revenge killings, America must not leave them hanging on the edge of a cliff, waiting for a miracle, we must act
There is a war of ideas going on in Afghanistan, one idea a hard-line antiquated interpretation of Islam that clings to long gone traditions and customs, often in direct conflict of modern life. The other idea is to have a pluralistic society of many religions, freedom to practice religion, and a peaceful society based on modern law and order the modern world has adopted. In a strange twist of fate for a wide variety of reasons two decades of war on terror leaves us with moral injury both as nations but also as individuals who often worked side by side for many years. They were our partner forces in war, under arms, fighting by our side. Many paid the ultimate sacrifice for their American counterparts, and vice versa.
Suicide Bomber Kabul
The war of ideas : a warrior’s death
If we lose a great warrior in the west, we consider this loss, a great sacrifice, made for others, country or to save and protect his comrades or those who are unable to protect themselves. There is no more sad death than the death of those that protect the weak, if it is a warrior or first responder who protects the weak. We don’t consider a fallen soldier a martyr but a hero. A determined enemy who considers death in battle an entry to heaven may have very different ideas about what it means to intentionally sacrifice their lives to support these ideas taken from their strict interpretation of Islam. We don’t have to agree about our ideas in a modern world but we do need to adhere to norms and standards, laws and international charters.
In modern society there is safety and security but also freedom within reason to express new ideas, to speak you mind without fear of reprisal and to at least expect to be left alone to live your life in peace. As the international community may interpret the Taliban as having reduced the level of threat in Afghanistan that is only because they rule with an iron fist and are executing their old enemies in the state government of Afghanistan.
Disproportionately the special forces, intelligence and interpreter community has been deeply affected. As some site stories where the Taliban has left civil government in place and policing untouched they fail to mention just a few weeks ago a policeman was abducted and taken off to jail and made prisoner. Still other former special forces soldiers are hunted like animals. As we left in retrograde the Taliban filled that power vacuum and are making use of equipment and arms we left behind. If we would not leave England in the hand of the Germans we must consider doing something extraordinary to combat the issue of brutality, illegal kidnap and murder of the Taliban. I heard commentator Graeme Smith speak of the remarkably low level of revenge killing the Taliban has undertaken. I would refer him to a commando they killed, but he’s dead, along with his wife, his boys, his girls, and his baby. So I would urge pundits to paint a more balanced picture of what is happening on the ground. The sheepdogs are being slaughtered by a pack of wolves who fear them.
There was a reason that in 2017 the Commando’s Camp Shaheen was attached killing 135 Commandos. They are the most well trained and effective soldiers in the country, the intel officers have helped America pinpoint and destroy our common enemy at that time, the Taliban and other terror cells that took refuge there. In our absence there has been a concerted effort not only to find the former elite forces, but to convert them to fight in foreign wars for Russia and for Iran in Syria. Our comrades in the global war on terror (GWOT) may be at the other end of a rifle from use someday, in another strange twist of this terrible tragedy.
… pop smoke and call for help…
To add insult to injury in our hasty departure from Afghanistan we left behind gear to be sure but the real concern must be for those people who were willing to risk their lives to live a modern life, to try to make a difference and to fight terrorism are the very same people who fear for their lives. If we never leave a man behind, then why did we, and when are we going to get them back?
Andrew J. Walker
The most disconcerting and sad aspect of this is that in a strange twist of fate the normal rules that apply for our partners in war do not apply to another countries army the influx of people fleeing narco trafficking and gangs to our southern border are the same people creating more case load for immigration and naturalization, processing so many people at one time has overwhelmed our immigration and our state department and this is making matters worse for Afghans that have a much harder life as they wait for visa approval in the same country with their enemy, as the combined needs of immigration and naturalization and the influx of Afghan citizens coming fleeing terrorism at the hands of the Taliban. At least immigrants who come to our shores to escape terror at the hands of violent gangs and narco traffickers become wards of the state. While they are not living in ideal conditions by anyone’s standards they do have shelter, food and water. The Afghanistan soldiers in hiding do not even have that. They run and hide, sleeping in different beds, in different towns, just for the right to live one more day and raise their families in peace.
America and the world will remember what politicians kicked the can down the road, and who acted on behalf of our comrades and partner forces. In a brutal decades long war story, there is no place to hide from history’s pen.
This bill must pass, to expedite this process of visa approval for our partners in special forces, and for the protection of our partners. The politicians must do what they came to do, act on behalf of the best interest of our people. It is not in the best interest of America to turn our backs on loyal supporters, our fellow fighters, many are crippled by war in their country and have inadequate medical support, others are hunted to be made and example of by the Taliban. They are taken in the night and brought to their families dead for burial. Their only crime was to have wanted a better way of life for their fellow countrymen and a prosperous future for their children. Those days are gone now and the reality is the Taliban is both the official government of the country but also remains the sworn enemy of democracy, modernity and peace in Afghanistan.
There will be no peace until all our brothers in arms are permitted to leave or live in peace. As living in peace has been tried and failed it is now up to us in America to put up or shut up. Either we do not leave our brothers behind or we do if its hard. John F. Kennedy said of going to the moon, “we do not do things because they are easy we do them because they are hard” great nations forge ahead and strike our on new paths. We are trail blazers not spectators. Time to act, as citizens and give our elected officials the inspiration to do the right thing. Time for our elected leaders to do what they came to DC for. To make a difference. We need to make a difference for our brothers and sisters in Afghanistan who look to us and our shores for freedom from bondage and shelter from our common enemy.
Will we turn away because its too hard or stay the course and blaze the trail we always have, back to our brothers to render aid. The time to show the world who we really are is now. This is a moment in time we are tested to be our best selves. Can we pass the test? I hope so for all the Afghans who look to the shining city on the hill and all that means to the world. We are Americans, we live in the greatest country in the world, despite our missteps and mistakes we are a great nation of good honest hard working people on both sides of our domestic political divide. For matters so grave, the protection of our comrades under arms, we must be absolute in our resolution to be united and put our petty differences aside and rise to the occasion to help. Please help.
There are matters of morality that supercede all other things. The value of human life, and the dignity every human being deserves to expect from civil society. The power of self determination, freedom, liberty, the right to speak freely, gather peacefully and live in harmony amount your fellows in unity as a nation. This is what we expect in America, and what we feel the whole world deserves. If you fight by our side for 20 years I think you have proven beyond any doubt you want that life too.
Please call your congressmen and senators, tell your friends to repost this article and to spread the word. There is a terrible injustice happening to our partner forces who have been cast a terrible lot in life. We need to understand that being a super power comes with great cost. Often you must spend money on other people in other countries to do what’s just for the world. When we are at our best we are doing just that. Let’s be at our best for Afghanistan and our partners. As citizens let’s do our part to accept nothing less than excellence from congress and our President.
In 1630 while still aboard a ship headed for Massachusetts Bay, Bill Winthrop delivered a speech, "A Model of Christian Charity" He said "For we must consider when we shall be as a city upon a hill. The eyes of all people are upon us. So that if we shall deal falsely with our God in this work we have undertaken, and so cause Him to withdraw His present help from us... (Our Last Founding, Ronald Reagan And "The Shining City Upon a Hill")
“You are the light of the world. A city set upon a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and but it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the same house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven”
Matthew 5: 14-16
I don’t know whose at fault or whose right or wrong I only know that the current reality for our partners needs us to put aside all debate and act. Every day we talk men die, we cannot kick the can down the road on this. This is the preservation of our reputation and us living up to our pledges and oaths. This is America it’s time we acted like it and stopped playing games to score cheap points for the camera to get reelected this is life and death and right or wrong. Be on the right side of history, be an American politician we can all be proud of, do your duty to your nation and honor the valor and sacrifices that our warriors make to keep us free and honor our oath to never, ever, leave a brother in arms in the hands of our enemy.
God Bless America let’s be our best, afterall we are Americans, we are countrymen, and our fate is tied to one another if we like it or not. Let us respect ourselves, and act as others see us globally, let us live up to our lofty reputation as a bastion of peace and security and overcome our differences at home to do what’s right.
Over two decades of the Global War on Terror (GWOT)America promised our partner forces, we would not abandon them to our common enemy, we honor their bravery and valor, or we allow our most solemn vows to become empty words we said in vein (Andy Walker)
“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.’ But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No ,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (Matthew 5:33–37).
During the global war on terror there have been multiple plans, forwarded by multiple generals, under multiple presidents, under multiple Afghan Presidents and the plans have been faithfully executed by our military and their partners. I will not get into my thoughts, feelings or opinions regarding the GWOT. It is not my place as a private citizen to insert myself into military affairs that I have very little insight, or accurate vetted information about. Although I will not comment on the right or wrong or wars or the various plans and policies, I do however have a role in what happens after the war. As an American who loves his country I am tasked with putting my patriotism to the test.
During the last generation there has been fundamental changes to the world order. The cold war we thought was yesterday’s news is now front and center in public discourse. The Ukraine War was the first indication I needed to decide if my public discourse being sanitized for public consumption for business purposes was appropriate for a moment that all my social media should be directed at combating Russian misinformation and lending moral and emotional support to those who were being attacked who shared our democratic values. I began to demonstrate my patriotism in small ways by supporting our policy and positions in my public discourse.
As this war waged on I tried to understand the war and our policy and strategic goals by networking with professionals in these areas of policy development. I connected to higher echelons of military, NATO, EU and UN thought leaders. I connected to European Parliament, Ukrainian Parliament, and found the thought leaders in many branches and areas of government to educate myself on issues beyond just reading the newspaper or looking at the evening news. I started to expand my circle into areas of veterans advocacy that I had expertise where I could align my skills with unfulfilled needs.
I attacked my own inability to know and understand issues at a deeper level by connecting to CIA analyst, think tanks, war colleges, academics in war studies, I read their books and I befriended them and ask them questions. A funny thing happened as I put myself into the orbits of our Generals and our Admirals, Special Forces, MARSOC, SOCOM, DEVGRU, DELTA. I reached out to them and asked them to connect and in most cases got them to connect. Over time I reviewed their actions and their information and I selected several main areas of interest I could be of service: PTSD awareness and treatment, suicide awareness and prevention and addiction and recovery, as well as veteran homelessness.
So now I had a network, I had more knowledge, greater insight at varying levels of command and control, I dutifully read their books and commented, I promoted their events, their publications, their meetings. I volunteered my service and I got the same answer back in most cases from the military guys, “Hey man, thanks we appreciate your support”. I thought wait a minute, what do you mean you appreciate my moral support – I am 33 years sober, I have helped scores of people recover and live a better life. I was not here to offer “moral support “man” I was here to contribute! Here I am Lord, pick me I would shout and… crickets.
At first I was mad and kind of insulted, I thought, here this guy is on one hand saying “civilians just don’t give a damn about us in the military” but on the other hand, when he was getting repeated direct messages “I am a civilian, support and advocate for the military I am volunteering to support you, I am sober, I have been in corporate jobs at Fortune 500’s for the last 25 years, so… “how can I help”… again I would hear, Hey man thanks for your support! We really, really appreciate it too and dismissed! Don’t call me I’ll call you. Now I was really thinking this is dumb – these guys do not accept civilian help – they never take me up on these offers they just keep saying civilians really do not care about us (except for me – they really appreciated me).
There comes a time you must decide, do I really believe all the things I say I believe? Am I really as patriotic as I thought I was – this small setback was putting me into the position of skeptic and critic, because guys I knew could use my help, but never took me up on it”
Andy Walker
At first my reaction was “the hell with it, I am not going to make a fool of myself, wandering behind a group of guys like a lost puppy who keep telling me they hate the civilians who never contribute, saying “but here I am guys? I was doing something I hate to do, stand down and not talk back not be bitter or childish, I decided to look at what these guys did well and what they were not so great at. Universally the most decisive leaders usually were men of action if they had an issue they would set off to solve their problem and then they would usually start a “Me Foundation” a foundation that was ran by themselves or maybe a small team mostly from military who did not always realize that personal exploits, heroism, reputation etc – don’t always translate into views on the internet.
I decided to find the valuable posts by guys really putting themselves out there and try to fix any errors they may have made that kept the audience small. No hashtags, no influencer names added, no organizations listed to expand the distribution. So I would literally create whole new posts or I would improve upon posts they had created by adding names of influencers in the space that they should meet. At first I tried to explain why I could help and why distribution expanded. Of course now all the milatary guys especially the elite soldiers all said collectively ” Oh, hell we had no idea you understood this and could help sopp much, God Bless You!” Just kidding they hardly noticed and rarely understood what I was doing. So invariably in many cases they would look at my background because now I had more military contacts then most of them did, I had a bigger distribution to my posts, I was connecting more of the dots for their posts and getting them higher levels of visibility but they had no idea really why I was doing it and what I was doing. So I told them, you need to hashtag, use relevant tags, not too many, add names of thought leaders in the space – follow and support like minded people from your own area of advocacy to help each other. Now I had their attention… Here I am Lord, pick me… of wait nope they really still do not get it.
Finally I thought the best way to convince these guys to use these methods is to write up a social media strategy “Amplify the Truth – Think Tank. So now when these guys would go to my site to remind themselves who I was they would hopefully read this posting and media influencer strategy and think I am going to do this stuff – so at least it could be there Idea now – they would advocate better and they would be more effective getting their messages out. As these guys started to see that how I posted or how I described the strategy in “Amplify” – they started to follow my advice – not sure they knew I was offering the help but it finally felt like I was being useful, using my skills to help, taking action and supporting my national interest and my warriors.
I finally felt like I had cracked the code. I could help them improve performance by better posting methods etc but they still tagged the wrong guys in posts in many cases so I realized I could help them more than I had by personally using my networking skills to introduce them to like minded thought leaders, I made multiple introductions, got some booked on podcast. I was recognized as a guy adding value and contributing and actually helping them with their advocacy. That was one of the first realizations I had, soldiers often don’t want to disclose emotionally painful issues outside of their own circles and I understood that if I sincerely wanted to advocate and do the most good – the best thing I could do is find the leaders in the subject areas I understood and could contribute, connect, network and promote their outreach.
As time progressed I developed great relationships in the military in many branches, often at general officer level. I often talked to war college academics, policy thought leaders, Admirals, and many other dedicated officers I dedicated myself to developing the resources I could serve my country best, as I already had a great career history and I had a great reputation as a hard working advocate for my clients, and a competent business leader. I developed much deeper understanding of how policy and strategy are created, how general officers approached leadership and how senior leaders developed milatary solutions to meet policy objectives, and it really enriched my life.
The double edged sword of having great men and women in your network is you think twice before being sarcastic or saying anything that lacks civility and seriousness or you may be considered a liability in their network. It taught me much more restraint. Our family was a navy family but I followed more than a few General officers that were a great inspiration to me. I would ask them questions comment on their posts, hashtag them, etc. I realized my outlook on life and on the country had greatly improved over time. My knowledge and understanding improved over time and my ability to understand some of the nuance put me in a position to understand and appreciate the military and our elected and appointed leadership more.
I did not lose anyone in my network, in fact I gained many new people and my new attitude of tolerance created the space to have hard conversations with people who I disagreed with respectfully. I found that many guys who I noticed had approached me in a kind of hostile “lets have an argument” kind of way would be disarmed by me taking them seriously and listening to their point of view. You rarely learn much talking to people in your immediate group of friends or colleagues especially when you already agree. Many folks who disagreed with me on a point they argued would thank me for giving them respect even when we disagreed. When they stepped out of line I would insist they give me the same respect. Much to my surprise the guys who were on opposite side of some issues saw the value in our conversations as civil rivals and would ask me to connect with them after the exchange.
“If you advocate for a cause more important than yourself, you need to understand it is not important what you personally think and feel about outside issues, politics, or personalities, the only thing that matters in effective advocacy is to be an effective communicator of the vital issues of relevance to reach the most people who can help you achieve your goals. Being besties with your supporters usually means you are a lazy advocate who is unwilling or unable to have a civil conversation with people who they may not agree with in some areas. An advocate cannot afford to pick and choose who supports him – he/she accepts the help of anyone sincere about the helping the cause”
Andy Walker
If you spend your life straddling the fence and playing it safe in every posting or public statement you may be missing out on having the hard conversations that lead to debate and discussion – if you moderate that in this manner – you will find the rewards of advocating for what you support and offer full throated support of your country the people that refuse to talk are usually ideologues who cannot be reached. You will recognize these people as recalcitrant naysayers, the arguments are riddled with jingoistic catch phrases and when direct serios questions are posed they often reach with anger or insult. These are the people that hang around your neck like an albatross. Not only do they not agree they want to destroy your post by making people angry, insulting people, put downs, etc. These people are not going to be reasonable – they are not going to listen to reason – if you show them a fact they say “fake news” show them a statistic “organization is part of the “deep state” there is no way to win an argument here. So don’t argue, report their behavior if it warrants that but block that person. Because they are not going to become more reasonable later.
Though this odyssey of support I learned a lot about myself and a lot about being a better advocate and citizen. Nearly all my friends and colleagues are republicans and when I angrily addressed the irresponsible manner Fox had covered the insurrection and seditious conspiracy (not my term, tested and proven terms from the courts) again I was told I would lose many key contacts if I said I disagreed publically. I explained that I was not commenting on Fox News in general, I was commenting on the fact that our patriotism and love of country needed to supersede personal political affiliation – and if someone would condemn me for standing up for America against all enemies foreign and domestic I really did not need that person around anyway. I was willing to take that chance – I was advocating for my country and nothing is more important than our national interest and our way of life being preserved.
I will offer myself in service to the nation, selfless servant leadership is at the heart of advocacy and a quality that is rarely one you pay a price for in any real way – so long as you act with humility – respond respectfully and disagree agreeably. This is being an advocate for America for our way of life. There comes a time when you need to stand up and be counted or when the time comes no one will count on you to take a stand. If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. Look deeper into issues, care more about your country, do more to support warriors, understand policy before you blindly criticize it and be the kind of leader you wanted to follow.
When you see millions of the mouthless dead Across your dreams in pale battalions go, Say not soft things as other men have said, That you’ll remember. For you need not so…
Charles Sorley
War is a rapacious creditor that can exact its cost long after the war has ended, it can take its toll on love, marriage and it can take you life during and long after – if you are an American who loves their country remember it is the soldiers who enforce our foreign policy, they pay these cost. For every promise policy makes, another one other often is broken, and the cost is born on the backs of the loyal sheepdogs who guard the gates.
Toro tyaro pase rana razi – After every darkness, there is light.
PASHTO PROVERB
Warrior Story Teller:
Lt. Col. Scott Mann, Green Beret, 7th Group, Special Forces (ret.)
Scott Mann is an overachiever. Scott’s life and work have included armed service to serve our nation, as a green beret from 7th Group, special forces. He is a husband, father, veteran, and an advocate. He has become a congressional witness, a published author, a keynote speaker, a ‘Ted Talker’ an actor, and I count him among my friends.
Scott Mann, in my opinion, exemplifies what national service and service to community is all about. One of America’s grateful son’s, he volunteered to serve his nation, qualified for special forces, earned his green beret, and embodies the warrior ethos and spirit of special forces. He is a warrior, sent to free oppressed people.
Warriors of Afghanistan
De Oppresso Liber
To Free the Oppressed
De Oppresso Liber
US Special Forces
Da sabar miwa khwaga wi
The fruit of patience is sweet.
Pashto Proverb
There is a reason that Afghanistan is called the graveyard of empires, it hard to reach, hard to stay put once you get there, and seemingly nearly impossible to conquer. People have been fighting in this region for generations, and the people understand in an asymmetric fight, against a modern enemy, of greater sophistication, and power, time is their enemy. For every: truck, troop carrier, tank, or Humvee, you need spare parts, drivers, mechanics, clerks, gasoline, and all the others who support soldiers, software and hardware . They also need; food, water, lodging and protection.
The west likes decisive actions and it is often said of the east they like the long game. To reduce their enemies advantage by patiently waiting them out, this is a way of life in Afghanistan. This concept harkens back to medieval, siege warfare tactics and the concept is still kept alive.
You will have your work cut out for you if you try to out-suffer an Afghan warrior. They carve out life in places most can’t and they face hardship daily as part of normal life. There is an inherent problem using a hearts and minds counter insurgency strategy in Afghanistan. These people know the rules of war, how to evade and avoid capture, and how to wait their enemies out in their own homes.
The Taliban live in Afghanistan, they can hide in plain site, They may even take a job to serve their enemy by day as they menace them at night. Eventually all the other armies have grew restless to get back home to their way of life, to free themselves from the hardships of war.
Andrew J Walker
A Guy Who Knew How to Build a Wall
Julius Cesar
There was a famously mighty army, who had a well fortified, modern castle. As the future leader of the Roman Empire approached it, as a Roman general, he saw the challenge before him. His enemy saw their castle as an asset. It kept them safe from the greater technological advantages of the Roman Army. Cesar had other ideas and re-framed the dynamics by turning the tables on his enemy.
Using a simple but effective creative tactic he won the battle that decided the war. He built a wall and countered their plans to wall out the Romans. Using a creative new tactic, he strategically walled the whole castle complex. At no time could they reach the Romans with archers as they toiled. The Romans tried conventional methods and failed to breach the walls. They then erected a log wall and rampart from the surrounding forest. Day after day they labored. Until one day, the castle keeping Cesar’s enemies safe, became no more than a gilded cage. The castle had become a trap for helpless hostages. Julius Cesar turned the tables on old strategy using new tactics. Cesar saw before him a virtually impenetrable castle. He tried conventional methods to get in and failed. He thought of an unconventional solution to the wall keeping him out. He built a wall that kept them in.
The conquered king saw a large army. The army needed food, water, lodging, and logistical support. He saw this as an opportunity to use the strength of his castle walls. He planned to wait them out. He aimed to force them to capitulate and go back home. Game and other food was abundant. Resources were supplied by nature to support Cesar’s army. By building his own wall, Cesar won that battle without shedding more of his soldiers’ blood. The King capitulated. Cesar conquered the region. This added to the acclaim that would launch him to power as emperor later.
The Taliban used the opposite approach, they used that same old strategy. against our modern technology, strategies and tactics. Can the Taliban hold their own in a fire-fight? Absolutely. But can they defend themselves against modern armies with communications, command and control, practicing combined arms, strategy and tactics? Yes and no.
If they attempted to fight the United States armed forces head-to-head, they would not prevail under almost every circumstance. The coordination, communication and combination, of superior modern arms, strategy, tactics and technology, win the day, virtually all the time. They used the same old medieval siege mentality. They retreated inside their own ‘castle walls.’ They waited for the enemy to tire of their county and go back home.
It is been said, upon study, the Taliban in many cases were fighting just miles from their homes. They have home field advantage. They learned using the rules of modern warfare, rules of engagement, and western army’s code of ethics. This allowed them to find safe havens at home. In some cases, these havens were in the employment of the enemy army. They even found other sympathetic countries, like Pakistan.
Our enemies could transit these areas as in Vietnam with the use of the Ho Chi Minh Trail. The trail snaked through the neutral bordering territory of Cambodia. They do this in relative safety. The Taliban fighters would similarly move through sympathetic tribal areas, controlled by the Haqqani Network. Thus allowing Taliban safe passage into and out of Pakistan. This avoided attack and capture. Most importantly, it allowed them to rearm, regroup, and stage attacks against Americans and our Afghan allies. As Pakistan is an ally of the United States, warfighting in their territory was never permitted.
Upon Being Asked for a War Poem
"I think it better that in times like these
A poet's mouth be silent, for in truth
We have no gift to set a statesman right;
He has had enough of meddling who can please
A young girl in the indolence of her youth,
Or an old man upon a winter’s night".
WILLIAM BUTLER YEATS
Moral Injury
Moral Injury
The haunting memories of war can shape the way you live the rest of your life. The joke “I drink to remember and pass out to forget” is not so funny when it becomes a way of life.
Making sense of war
Often in trying to unwind our minds and understand our trauma we trigger the feelings that in turn can re-traumatize us, in a vicious cycle.
A soldier will suffer countless indignities. They will suffer hardship. They will go to any lengths to make their enemies capitulate. But our soldiers have done their part for our nation.
It’s time our nation fights for her soldiers with the same amount of effort as they put out for us.
The ability of a determined modern army to overcome overwhelming odds and come out on top
If you had told me the Ukrainians would have been the winner in a war with Russia, at the start of the war, I would said you were crazy. As I watched key landmarks being met like (the early seizure of the airport near Kyiv). I remember saying to my wife that “despite the Ukrainians’ best efforts the pundits are correct, this would end in a week”. After the first month, I quickly noticed there was a significant difference in modern combined arms warfare. I was amazed again and again. I saw a short interview with a Ukrainian soldier who stayed behind as the Russians took the airport and called in accurate fires. He had destroyed the enemy at great risk to his own life. He and his small band of just a few men allowed the Ukrainians to take back that airport.
The ability of the Ukrainians to improvise, adapt and overcome has been legendary. Zelenskyy himself did something, rarely, if ever, done, becoming the tail that wagged the dog. He used his extensive knowledge of television media and messaging to appeal directly, live, to world leaders, in public addresses. The appeal was and is simple, to paraphrase “we are a free democratic nation being invaded by a neighbor, superior in number, with overwhelming odds against us. We will fight to the last man to remain free. We will resist whether or not you help us, we are prepared to die for our freedom. If you don’t stand with Ukraine against this Russian occupation, we will surely lose. However if you help us you will be living up to everything you promised when we established our country in the Budapest accords. NATO said it would protect us against aggression, if we gave up our nuclear capability. We lived up to our bargain, will you? Implicitly suggesting that you either stand up for democracy and sovereignty or you implicitly endorse this illegal behavior. Behaviors that include: violence against civilians and a host of other verified war crimes.”
Members of the European Parliament applaud Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy who appears on a screen as he speaks in a video conference during a special plenary session of the European Parliament focused on the Russian invasion of Ukraine at the EU headquarters in Brussels, on March 01, 2022. – The European Commission has opened the door for Ukraine to join the EU, but this is not for tomorrow, despite Kiev’s request for a special procedure to integrate the country “without delay”. (Photo by JOHN THYS / AFP)
It probably seems like we acted slowly but I would argue that the worlds largest body of western countries and all the nations of the EU, let alone America, rarely agree on anything. To agree to offer man pad rockets to keep Russia from achieving air supremacy was a key in keeping Russia fighting the last war. To fight and win in modern combined arms maneuver warfare is based on achieving air superiority, then air supremacy to support war fighters on the ground and to offer greater ability to maneuver and to take ground. With each new donation of weapons the Ukrainians used their ability to iterate applications, software, technology and consumer drones, to give them a distinct advantage directing fires. While the Ukrainians do not possess a large air force the ability to direct fires with drones showed their resourcefulness to adapt to changing circumstances in real time on the ground.
Getty Images
Zelenskyy Addressing US Congress
With each weapon system given the Ukrainians made good use of opsec, and maneuver to overcome returning fires from the Russians. As the Russians lost so many of their modern fleet of weaponry the Ukrainians so theirs at a much slower rate. Even though the Russians are still superior in number some of the most elite units have been neutralized. The ability to fight this war and win would require something like 90% (according to some analyst) of their fighting forces, to sustain and rotate, their army to keep morale high and win decisive battles.
Sending warm bodies that are not professional soldiers will be very hard in terms of attrition. The Ukrainians are fighting to stay Ukrainian, they are fighting for their homes and families. A Russian conscript has no real motivation to fight besides the basic will to defend his country. In this case they are not defending, they are attacking, with shifting rationales for why Russia is in Ukraine at all. They’re sleeping outside in winter, while the Ukrainians can seek shelter in any number of places, in their own country. While the front lines of the Russians are backfilled with more and more inexperienced fighting they are dying at an alarming rate compared to their Ukrainian counterparts.
The Ukrainian ability to use OSINT (open source intelligence) HUMINT (human intel assets) and the technology of their NATO, American and EU partners supporting them in this proxy war. They have been effective at discovering the enemies routes of entrance and egress and to cut of their lines of re-supply. Most likely the Ukrainians mount a major offensive as they had in Kherson, as soon as the ground freezes to allow passage of men and heavy equipment to maneuver. When this happens the lines of re-supply will be destroyed and any attempts to support the army will be thwarted (IMHO). By Spring the Russian Army should culminate this round of fighting with an inability to sustain their fighting positions.
If the Ukrainians breakthrough the result will be a long retreat to the next lines of defense and surrendering more of their gains. If the Ukrainians use momentum to continue to gain advantage, it is conceivable by Spring they could cut the Russian forces into two pieces then force a surrender or retreat of the Crimean peninsula. If they achieve victories like these they will disrupt the Russian hold on the Black Sea and the Sea ports and transport of grain to the free market.
As the Ukrainians hone their abilities at combined arms fighting and using technology and fighting will they will be nearly impossible to displace. The Russians are fighting for the abstract concept of security by fiat by force of arms for a hollow victory while the Ukrainians are fighting to have an ethnic identity, they are literally righting to remain Ukrainians. The Ukrainians are fighting for their rights both as a sovereign nation and as an ethnic group. They are fighting to protect their own homes and families and to avenge all the Ukrainians whom have laid down their lives.
Ukrainian Soldier in Trench 2022
The Ukrainians have been nothing short of amazing from the start of this war. However its not over yet. As the Winter or Spring offensive approaches the fighting spirit and resilience of the Ukrainian people will prevail. Arbitrary acts of terror cannot dictate how the rest of the world responds, the free world must prevail in this war or these acts of aggression will only continue to destabilize the world. I stand with Ukraine, glory to their people and glory to the heroes.
It’s a phrase you hear in industry today “ideation” from “ideation to creation”
The idea the “the idea” is such a hot topic is a key indicator thinking independently is gaining influence again.
What I mean is the paradigm of hiring young people out of college so we ((more seasoned (fancy way to say older) professionals)) can mold them into carbon copies of ourselves – that way they can be “professionals” like us.
We thought of that as mentoring. We were altruistically helping young people be more professional. In a year or two they could help drive growth.
That model has some legitimacy and a place in a modern industry.
What changed for progressive companies is hiring younger people who have new skills who think differently to “teach the teachers” how to leverage tech like them.
It’s millennials who grew up in an age you could dream of a new thing in the morning, create it virtually on a computer in the afternoon and print it in 3D the same night. Not older generations.
Not too long ago prototypical examples would take months or years to develop and production could be two or three years on the horizon.
It’s conceivable now to take certain ideas from ideation to creation in weeks. If you want to win be prepared to learn something new!
My nephew came to my home for dinner. He was asked by his dinner companion “what does your Uncle do?”. He said “that’s hard to say, my uncle does so many things, he can do a lot of different things well, I’m not sure how to answer that question”.
I loved his answer. It made me happy because it’s true, I developed a pretty wide range of skills and always try to learn new things, understand things I don’t understand and develop areas that interest me.
The thing I know the most about is losing people I love to cancer. I have longstanding experience with this subject. I studied real case studies with my own family and good friends. I loved and cared for people in my immediate and extended family with cancer almost half of my life.
Cancer is the popular club, no one wants to join. It’s a strange experience, watching someone with a terminal illness suffer and die and have no ability to do anything to stop the terrible progression.
My maternal grandmother, both grandfathers, my paternal uncles, my dear friend Dolly, my mother, then my mother-in-law. All had, and eventually died from cancer. During my childhood my parents cared for my grandfather with throat cancer. He was a smoker, and drinker, in his day, and it was not a huge surprise it effected his health over time.
Both my mother’s parents had several different types of cancer. They lived and died with us, in our home. My siblings and I cared for my Mother, as she suffered late stage cancer, she eventually died in my parent’s condo. The first death from cancer in my family came before my fourth birthday, my grandfather, on my father’s side of the family.
My grandfather, William”Wild Bill” Walker as he was affectionately called by my Grandmother, was the first to invite the spector of cancer into our lives…
I can remember a handful of things about him.
1. He drank a double rock and rye whiskey drink before bed at night, until very near the time of his death. 2. He was a great tickler (I was three, so that was pretty important to me)
3. He wore pajamas a hell of lot of the time, so much in fact one day he dressed for some reason and I was so surprised I questioned him about why he was out of his pajamas (to the laughter of the whole family).
4. He coughed all the time, it was a dry repetitive cough, a signature of his presence. He always coughed 5. He died in my parents’ downstairs bathroom while we sat down to dinner.
He didn’t want to disturb my family and be a bother to his son’s family
He probably didn’t realize he ruptured his throat in late stage cancer the subsequent hemorrhage would end his life. Right there and then, he died in that bathroom, during our dinner. The strange thing about this event is despite being so young, (not yet four years old). I remember many of the details from that night, so vividly. The details stayed with me, my whole life, even now I can remember the tense moments and those events.
I remember the incident from the start of that afternoon, my grandfather was especially under the weather and coughing even more than normal. When my Father called us to dinner, my grandfather had a hacking coughing fit. He was saying that he was fine, not to wait for him and start dinner without him.
He was in the bathroom for some time. Eventually the coughing stopped, my Mother looked concerned. She asked my father to check on him. She said “He’s been in there a long time, you should check on him”.
Dad called out “Dad, are you OK? Open the door.” He didn’t answer, my dad was outside the door. Dad ran up to the kitchen drawer and picked up the small screwdriver we used to trip the bathroom door lock. He ‘jimmied’ the lock, opened the door, only to find his father, lying in a pool of blood, lying dead on his bathroom floor.
I still remember my father crying out “son of a bitch, son of a bitch”, (pounding his fist on the wall). Our grandfather had been standing at the sink, trying to attend to his throat, when he fell, his body partially blocked the door. Dad was too late. The sound of my father punching the bathroom wall, rang out loudly. He came back to the dinner table in a few moments and told my Mother to take us over to our grandparent’s home. Our mother put on our coats ( over my pajamas) and whisked us all off in her 1955 Chevy Belair.
The expression of concern and worry on my Mother and Father’s face, my dad’s plaintiff pleas for his father to answer, his muffled crying, the sound of his punch on the bathroom wall, his cursing. Even at that early age I instinctively knew something was wrong with my elderly grandfather. I assumed my father needed to offer him some sort of help and we could not witness this, for reasons I did not understand (this was my suspicion).
My siblings were older and had greater understanding of what was happening
We arrived in Abington, PA at the home of my grandmother (my suspicion was confirmed). My Mother whispered something in my grandmother’s ear, she looked very surprised and gasped.
…It was in that moment I knew my suspicions were correct and something serious had happened to my grandfather…
Some time later I asked my father directly if my Grandfather had died. My father was flabbergasted because I was still so young. He assumed I didn’t understand the concept of death and immediately asked who told me. I replied, that no one had to tell me, I noticed because our grandfather lived with us and he was not there anymore. It sounds simplistic, but even at that age, it’s not, there is a complex set of feelings that goes along with events like these, one day a person is here, tickling the little ones, talking with their children and the next day they’re gone, having exited without so much as a word. It is a stark reminder of just how precious and fragile life is.
Cancer can linger, without mercy, and sometimes it’s fast, and you don’t even get to say goodbye. Either way, you cannot prepare yourself for the eventual end really.
Forty years later my Dad told me the story of trying to open the door and revive his father, after we had left, calling an ambulance and taking him to the local hospital. He could still recall the conversations and visual details of that night. He told me what the scene was like when he made this grim discovery. More than forty years later he still recalled those events in such vivid detail. Just like I could remember the details from my own memory.
…Our grandfather died because he chose to stay in the bathroom, trying to help himself – rather than disturbing our family dinner..
I was only three, but even at three, I still had such a vivid memory from that night. I knew intuitively something was wrong with my Grandfather. I knew we were hauled over there because of this strange illness, and this was what made my grandfather cough all the time. That was my first experience of death by cancer but it would not be my last.
Three years old, in my parent’s home. This was where cancer came to call first. It was not that much of a shock, he had smoked cigarettes and a pipe was a drinker too.
It visited our family, three more times in my life. Coming into our happy home and changing our lives forever in ways which can be hard to understand.
My Grandfather died when he was 80. My father was 40 and his son (me) was three. When my own father died, he had just turned 82, I was 40, my own son was three and my younger son was just born. It gave me more insight into how hard that must have been for him. It was hard for me too. In my own father’s case, it wasn’t cancer that killed him, but a heart attack, suffered after a long battle with cardio pulmonary obstructive disorder (CPOD) and heart disease. He had wrecked his health from many years of smoking unfiltered lucky strike cigarettes.
All things considered my dad was mostly pretty well for a lot of his life. He almost had a heart attack at 50, he quit smoking and took better care of himself. He ran, and went to the gym, quite smoking and tried to be more mindful of his health. He managed his CPOD with medicine and breathing treatments. For most of the rest of his life he was in reasonably good health considering how rotten his health really was. I’m getting ahead of myself. Cancer was far from done with my family at this point in our families story.
Chapter 2
Our grandmother on mom’s side of the family was next…
My grandmother, Julia May Burns, contracted breast cancer. I was just a child about 10 years old. I had a seven-year break from cancer’s last visit and the aftermath. My grandmother never smoked or drank, to speak of. She lived a pretty healthy lifestyle too, often playing golf or bowling and eating well. So it came as quite a surprise and caught us all off guard.
…the Doctor said something about the possibility second-hand smoke from my grandfather’s smoking, years before, may have had a causal effect. Who knows? All we knew for sure was we were in for it again…
It is impossible to say for sure why she got cancer. It can be hereditary, her Mother had died young from complications after surgery. My grandmother was remarkably resilient even in the face of cancer. She had breast cancer and then bladder cancer, and finally leukemia. There were many treatments, surgical procedures, and she did pretty well for a long time, or so I thought. As my grandmother got older, the chemotherapy apparently contributed to her contracting the leukemia that eventually killed her.
My grandparents eventually sold their house and moved into my sister’s, then later, into my parents’ home, so we could take care of them. After some time, the progression of the disease, got faster, the complications and treatments became more severe, and the damage got worse. Still she was remarkable, in her ability to be positive and supportive, cheerful and upbeat virtually all the time.
She was a delight to be with and everyone who met her loved her. She had friends of all ages her whole life. She even stayed friends with an old girlfriend of mine after we broke up.
I would ask her how she felt and she would reply “good” or “not bad”
In the beginning of this protracted nightmare, doctors discovered tumor(s) in her breast – she decided to have a double mastectomy, in an effort to excise the cancer to stop the progression of the disease. She had the operation, remaining remarkably perky, upbeat and positive about everything.
After the surgery the doctor was giving her post operative advice. She interjected and asked him about bowling in her league in two weeks (was that ok?).
The doctor was speechless, he didn’t know what to say. I don’t think he really understood what she was asking. He looked puzzled, bowling…? After all, she was 80 at the time, and just had major surgery.
Reminds me of the joke about a guy having surgery and asking the doctor, “will I be able to play violin, after surgery?” Doctor responds “you don’t have to worry about that, this is a state of the art hospital, I’m a specialist and I’ve done this operation many times. Have no fear, after surgery you will be able to play violin!”
The man smiled and said “great, I always wanted to play violin!” (Rimshot! Thank You, here until Thursday)
The doctor didn’t understand, she was asking for his medical permission to go bowling a week or two after a double mastectomy (which she did). He laughed when she explained she “was in a league”. He reluctantly gave her tentative permission with caveats but asked her to be very cautious. She went on from there and recovered quite well from that episode of breast cancer.
Another condition later slowly destroyed her, bladder cancer first, then leukemia. She was very plucky and proud, she almost never complained of being ill or feeling sick, even just before her death.
Just one of the rotten things about cancer, it makes everyone feel like hell. When you have it, you’re so sick, you know you make your family sick with worry too, so you keep a brave face and say you’re fine. But you’re not fine, you’re sick as hell and worried. The terrible side effect of terminal illness in my mind, besides the obvious health concerns, is guilt.
You feel guilty if you’re sick – because you know how hard it is on the family – your family feels guilty too – because they are well and can’t help but think – “what did this person ever do to deserve this fate?” So often times the sick and the well suffer in silence together when cancer comes to call
I can remember that there were times that she was so weak that she was having trouble climbing up the six-inch step into the house, my Dad called out to me and I ran over to literally catch her as she collapsed back out through the front door threshold.
Luckily I was there to catch her when she fell and picked her up to help her inside. When I was older I started to notice the rigors of the illness taking a toll. She would pray the rosary, every day. She’d pray for her sister who died when she 13, and my grandmother who died when she was 16, and pray for us, but never for herself.
My bedroom was above where she slept in our home in a hospital bed, and I would hear her quietly sob at night, from pain she experienced. In the morning I would pretend I had not heard her cry and would just casually ask if she needed coffee or breakfast. She loved coffee and only drank percolated coffee, we had a small coffee pot we would make her coffee in on the stove top. I would prepare her coffee and spend time talking to her. We had a very special bond of love and friendship. She was a central figure in my life and a source of constant love and inspiration.
Shortly before she passed away I asked if she was afraid to die, she said, “a little”. She seemed a little relieved I asked so she could talk about it. I tried to console her saying “don’t you think it will be nice to be reunited with your sister and your parent’s in heaven?” She said “oh, who know’s if that’s all true?” I was absolutely flabbergasted having seen her regularly pray the rosary and attend mass.
I said “grandma you say the rosary everyday, you’re telling me you don’t know if you believe in heaven?”
She said, “I don’t know if there is a heaven, that’s why I say the rosary, just in case!”.
Thinking of it now – I still laugh – it was hilarious, she was hedging her bets in case heaven existed by saying the rosary every day for over 80 years! 
Catholic Guilt! We love to hate that we love it so much, then we feel guilty about that too!
The day she died I was attending a night class in college. A friend asked me to go out after class to a local bar with a group of kids from class. Something told me I should go home. At the time she had been sick and was under the weather not doing well. She was very weak in late stage cancer. We knew it would be a matter of time before the disease took her. What I did not realize was that it would be that night she would depart.
When I arrived at home, the house was dark. I knew immediately something was wrong. I went in, seeing a note that read “Went to Hospital” I raced over to the hospital knowing it was my grandmother. It turned out, during that day her condition took a turn for the worse, and she waited all day for everyone in the family to arrive to see her off.
She could not speak, and was very weak, but she would pick up her head and look around the room and point at each person, then lay down again for a while waiting for me to arrive. She’d done this a number of times that evening before I came.
I was the last to arrive. I was also very close to her and had a very special bond with her, so we believe the pointing was her taking a headcount of sorts, to make sure we all had arrived. She was making sure no one was left out of saying our goodbyes.
…She postponed her death to accommodate the family’s arrival. We all loved her very much, I’m sure she knew we would all want to be there to say our goodbyes…
I sat down next to her and to talked to her. I got down close to her ear and whispered “don’t be afraid grandma, I’m here, you don’t need to be afraid, it’s ok, you can let go”. I was holding her hand. She looked at me one last time, then her breath became very shallow and in next few moments, she was gone. I was holding her hand still. I dried my own tears with the back of her hand, kissed her hand and set it down next to her in her bed.
It was dramatic with her family crowded around her bed calling things loudly as she died “we love you”, love you grandmom, love you Jule, love you Mom…” It was the most amazing moment.
It was like a scene out of an opera. It was crazy. In the moments just after she died, her eyes remained open, her brother and I tried to close them, out of respect for her. It’s not like someone dying in a movie though. She was holding on to the very last moments of life and her eyes remained wide open even after her death. Minutes after she died I got up and left.
It was strange, I felt no connection to her dead body like I had when she was alive just moments before. I left the hospital while my family were all still talking about it and crying, without saying a word.
I was gutted emotionally. Later I told a good friend of mine, even though she was old and sick, I thought we would have just a little more time. In the end, that’s what you always crave, just a little more time. More time for those special moments that you are so accustomed to sharing together. One more birthday, or anniversary, or promotion, or birth…just one more.
That nagging longing for more quality time. When you love someone, that’s how you feel. If you have unresolved issues, then you wish for more time to have that last conversation to make it all “work out”.
Things never work themselves out. Have those difficult conversations and work things out. Say you’re sorry or you were wrong. Say I love you every day, hold hands, smile and enjoy every moment because they are precious and you won’t realize that until it is too late.
I was watching a television program about Princess Diana, and her sons the Princes of Wales said essentially the same thing. They said goodbye to their mother the day she died on the phone, very quickly dismissing her because they were running out the door to play or go somewhere. They both said the same thing.
If they knew this would be the last goodbye I would have said so much more, I would have told her how much I loved her. It doesn’t matter if you’re a prince or a pauper feelings of loss remain the same.
Do not wait to say I love you, treat every day like it could be your last or theirs, because there are no guarantees of a “next time”. There are two certainties in life as the saying goes, death and taxes
The pain of that loss was particularly deep and long-lasting for me. During college both my grandparents succumbed to cancer, one of my best friends died of a heart attack at age 31, we put my 17-year-old dog Nici down. To top it all off my girlfriend announced I was too depressed and she was leaving me.
That was a hell of a time in my life. Although the pain of my grandmother’s passing was particularly difficult, because she and I were very close. This would be the first time as an adult I had a close family member get cancer and die.
It was the first time I experienced all these complex feelings as an adult. You would think I would report how I had learned a lesson, or knew what it all meant now. Nope, it was just as confusing as when I was three. It’s hard to understand death by illness at any age.
All things considered, she lived a great life, died an old woman, at 88. Despite her illness, she remained remarkably upbeat. Despite the fact she was old, and sick for a long time, her passing was still a terrible blow to my mother and to me. She was our greatest supporter, very loving and understanding. She was full of goodness, and not much else.
She rarely gossiped or said anything negative about anyone. She was the leader of the family in a lot of ways. Our emotional touchstone, which anchored our family optimistically to look at the future as bright, and full of possibility. Her kind and gentle spirit animated conversations she presided over, so many good times.
Her loss, besides being sad, was a game changer in our family dynamics. Cancer changes the family relationships every time someone dies. Each person plays a role in the family, and effects the other family members. When she was gone, those family conversations were not as light, the tone not always as cheerful anymore. She had a way of ending each conversation and exchange with some encouragement or a positive note, the silver lining. Now she was gone, her role of adding that positive note died with her too. Those difficult conversations were no longer punctuated with the silver lining anymore, clouds were rolling in.
…Cancer changes family dynamics, it’s hard to recognize and understand that when someone dies. It is hard to put the family back together again because it is a puzzle with a missing piece…
Chapter 3
My Other Grandfather, Charles Arthur Burns, was next…
My grandfather, Jule’s (the grandmother who had died) husband, was next. He lived a few years more, also dying at 88. We didn’t know but he also had throat cancer, until just before he died. He mostly lived a pretty remarkably healthy life, all things considered. I loved him very much too, but he was known for being a grumpy old crank. When he was young he could be a bit negative and nasty. He was the mirror opposite of my sweet grandmother.
My father never liked him, particularly. But I did. He and I were buddies. He was very kind to me. He was a retired pattern maker (a master carpenter), an amazingly talented guy. Like my other grandfather (who died at the beginning of this story, who was a machinist). He could fix everything and repair things, making them better than new. Very highly skilled, hands made rough by hard work and time.
He owned a non ferrous metal smelting foundry, a lumber yard, then a pattern making shop, during his career.
I would include him on little adventures. I dragged him into the backyard once to shoot bottle rockets at my brother-in-law (who was outside cleaning his yard up). My sister and him had a house, just two doors down, from my parents (where we cared for my grandparents) He had no idea where these explosions were originating from, and was surprised as hell, when he saw us both laughing and running inside.
I once sent my elderly grandfather to the corner store for some carrots, (to my mother’s horror) he was about 85. In the end it turned out fine, he could not quite manage the carrot buying mission, so we drove down later to buy them. But he loved being asked to do things that were constructive and not just sit around and get waited on.
A weird side effects of him moving in was his being asked to not do anything anymore out of fear of his frailty and age. My mother was not too keen on him doing anything physical but he had been a very active person his whole life. He hated sitting around like a piece of furniture. He resigned himself to this fate and did what he was asked. Our care for him was like putting a wild animal in a zoo. He was used to having total autonomy and free-range of his territory. He died in 1992 also at 88 years old.
The same year I took my first overseas trip to Spain (Madrid, Zaragoza, Toledo and Barcelona). I couldn’t hardly wait to see him and tell him about the things I saw there. Show him my photos from the Spanish architecture and grand old churches. I knew he would really love to see this because he had made so many things himself, during his career. While I was on the Spain trip I’d think of things to tell my grandfather when I got back. I was cataloging the stories in my mind, so I could recount them accurately when I got back. He was intellectually curious and intelligent.
I was going to tell him about the ancient cities I visited, things I’d seen and done. Then develop the photos and show him the wooden pattern work and the carving in churches and palaces I had visited. That moment was not meant to be however. Cancer came to call again while I was away in Europe. My Father intercepted me in the front yard of his house to tell me. He didn’t want me to find my grandfather’s empty hospital bed in the middle of the living room.
He broke the bad-news right there on the front lawn of my childhood home. It felt like a punch in the gut. Instead of celebrating and enjoying the trip together we planned grandpop’s funeral. We pressed a suit, and brought his best clothes and dress shoes to the undertaker, to bury him. That’s another tragic side effect of cancer on the family, it upstaged the other good things that happen. It’s hard to enjoy the good times because cancer is so serious it has the tendency to overshadow other good events happening at the same time. Almost no mention of that trip was ever made, we just put it on a shelf to be talked about later.
His death took the place of that celebration of life. It came in my senior year of college. Money was tight, I had a small business, and worked full-time, but managing my expenses and mounting college bills was virtually impossible. I needed to regroup my finances, and take a break. I decided to take six months off school my senior year to regroup my finances and save some money before returning.
I needed a break at the time, the trauma was reeking havoc on my ability to concentrate so I decided to work for the season at a local golf course as a bartender and waiter. I played golf once a week for free and went about my business.
Though a club member I got a job catering motion pictures on location in NYC and worked in the city for several years. A fire in my apartment building forced me to me move out and left me without a lot of good options. So I took a job with a cruise line in Florida with the intention of working one season, then returning home, moving back into my repaired apartment, and going back to work as a movie caterer or back to school.
…I did not return home however, I stayed on that cruise line for several more years and didn’t finish my degree for 21 more years. My Mother made me promise her, on her death-bed, I would finish my degree, so eventually, I did…
I had some great years after college working at a motion picture caterer and then going down to Florida and working for a cruise line. It was a grand time. No one was sick for a change. It felt like this terrible vail of sadness had finally been lifted. I met my future wife, we started dating. We traveled all over Europe. My family and I became more close than ever.
It finally seemed like we were all catching a break after these years of suffering. I was doing well with the cruise line, had been promoted to Acting Cruise Director, then Cruise Director.
The line was building a new ship at that time so it would be a short time until I had a permanent Cruise Director assignment. Things felt like they were looking up and coming together, life was great, in every way.
Chapter 4
Rose “Dolly” Petti, my friend’s mother, and my sweet and wonderful friend, was next on this terrible hit list
In the intervening years before my Mother herself would die from this terrible disease I would know other’s that cancer would visit. Before it came back into our home again. One of my good friends Mother “Dolly” would die, after my uncle, from the west coast, and just before two uncles from the east coast.
Dolly was a lot like my grandmother, very kind, and caring, motherly, in a word. I would eat over their home, all the time. She was a joy, so pleasant, charming, dignified and kind. I still miss her – like I miss my own Mother. Later, when I got married, I went to Dolly’s grave and put a wedding invitation on her grave. I visit her grave, now and then. She was laid to rest just a few hundred feet from my parents final resting place.
…Dolly’s cancer was in many ways similar to my grandmother’s. She had the illness, got treatments, had a period of restored health, only to get sick again, succumbing to the disease…
Like my grandmother, Dolly rarely complained, and was remarkably upbeat. At her wake, her husband, (my friend Lou), came over to me (I was a little emotional). Lou put his hand around my shoulder and said “we lost a good friend today.”
Even now when I think of that moment, it makes me emotional. Lou was at his own wife’s wake, his childhood sweetheart, and he was taking the time to console me. It cemented my love for him, and his family, even more. It was really helpful too at that moment, because I really did feel that loss.
…As deaths from cancer increase you feel each one a little more than the last, when another occurs. It becomes collective sadness, not just a painful singular event…
Chapter’s 5, 6 & 7
Three uncles were next: Al, Don and Bob.
My father’s brothers all died during this period
….I have trouble remembering the type of cancer and years each one died. I know they all had cancer…If my Mother were here, she could tell me – but she isn’t here to supply these answers because cancer took her too…For my Dad, it must have been devastating to lose the other pieces of his families puzzle, all in a short time.
My Uncle Al, who lived on the West Coast, was the next to get cancer. It was many years ago, (I believe he had brain cancer). I remember my Father said he was talking to him one minute and he seemed good and he died a few minutes later. I could see the look on my Father’s face of shock and loss. It must be especially hard to lose his older sibling. I have a brother and two sisters and the idea of loosing them had not even occurred to me at that time in my life.
My Uncle Al’s death was sad, mostly because it made my Father so sad, it cast a pall over our family again. I never knew Uncle Al very well, he moved out west before my birth and lived out there my whole life. He died after a relatively short illness, that took his health. Life went back to normal for us, fairly quickly, Al was not a young man when he died. He was 80 years old, so the sadness was tempered by his longevity. He lived out a full life, and we were sad to see him go.
My other uncle, Don, who was my fathers youngest brother, was next to die. I know at the end of his life he had cancer in more than one place. I think it started in his lung, then went to his brain. He was a heavy smoker for a long time. A funny guy, and a very interesting person. A private pilot, and business owner – he had a number of family folklore stories – associated with him. He was always cheerful and happy-go-lucky when I would see him. Again, he was not very close to my family, living in Florida. It was sad to see my Dad suffer through another one of his siblings death, so soon.
Especially his younger brother, it was hard on him, but my dad was fairly closed off emotionally, and didn’t really talk about his feelings that much. He used to recount funny stories about my Uncle Don. It was sad, but it was not that surprising because of his lifestyle. When he was diagnosed with lung cancer (I think) the disease was already fairly advanced. By the time he knew he was sick it was already too late. He had late stage cancer that was found to late to treat effectively. It spread, he went into hospice and he died with his children and my parent’s at his side.
He was cremated, his ashes were spread in an acrobatic maneuver a “Cuban Eight” from the Steerman biplane a friend of his owned. He was a private pilot, he used to do acrobatic flying, with some friends. He also owned his own Beechcraft Bonanza. He was a great character, and he went out like he lived, flamboyantly.
The last of my father’s brothers, my uncle Bob, lived fairly close to us. For unknown reasons my father had not stayed close with him, like he had with Don. Bob had brain cancer and died fairly quickly after the discovery of the disease. I saw the remorse on Dad’s face when he came from the hospice where his brother died.
I think he felt sadness for not having taking the time to remain more close over the years. He wanted just a little more time to clear things up and iron the wrinkles out, to make things “right”. But you don’t get that with cancer, it comes when it wants, it does what it does, and takes the people you love, when it choses, not when it is convenient for you.
That’s the funny thing about cancer – it hurts everyone, it is an equal opportunity offender. It’s amazing to recount this family history all at once. I forget sometimes how much loss my family experienced over the years. We had seen death in the family many times by now. After every terrible incident there was a period of calm.
It was like a shark attack at night, in an ink black ocean. The pain of the strike arrives without warning, it may come back whenever it likes and inflict more pain and possibly kill you, then it disappears back into the darkness. After a few more years of relative calm and some really good times, cancer came knocking at our door again.
….I was working in the Caribbean on a cruise ship, having a great time with my future wife (then girlfriend) when I received the bad news. My mother had the same cancer which killed my grandmother all those years before – this time however it was worse, the cancer was discovered later in this case…
Chapter 8 & 9
My Mother Mildred Burns Walker was next…
Six months later… like a terrible replay of the worst days of my life – my mother-in-law also died of breast cancer Anna Pozsonyi
Everything changed when my Mother was diagnosed with cancer, it had come back to our home again, calling for my Mother this time. It was like a black pall was pulled over our home again. Like her Mother, she had bladder cancer. Ironically she had asked her doctor about examining her three times before she was finally diagnosed, all tests came back negative for cancer. It turned out my Mother’s intuition was correct however and she did have bladder cancer. By the time the test could confirm it she had stage three cancer with a formed tumor on the wall of her bladder.
If you know anything about cancer this is not good. Having a solid tumor attached to your body is a very hard thing to get rid of at that stage. Generally stage 3 is an illness that you can be treated for but that usually leads to stage 4 cancer, terminal cancer. This was the beginning of my adult experience with cancer with: pain, suffering, the healthcare system, care taking, suffering, and aftermath of this rotten illness.
I will close this chapter here – the story of my Mother’s illness is very long and the suffering was deep and lasting for my poor Mother and for our family.
Her experience with this disease it too terrible to document and too painful to recount in detail. Suffice it to say, she was a fighter. Who despite long odds against her and an aggressive illness, lived for 8 years with cancer. Her oncologist came to her funeral and told us she was her longest living patient with stage 4 cancer ever in her practice.
My mother had a kidney removed, it came back into her lung, her lung was removed it came back into her brain. Later in her life, she was bedridden because the tumors had put pressure on an area of the brain that controlled her motor skills. My Mother endured two major surgeries, had 69 chemo therapy treatments and 12 radiation treatments before she succumbed to the disease and after she died we received a red hat in the mail.
Ever the optimist she ordered a red hat to be worn by cancer survivors in the red hat society. Where they traveled around taking photos of themselves with red hats on. My Mother in law was similarly a terrible and awful story of aggressive cancer taking her life after a very gallant and lengthy struggle. There was no way around the inevitable for her either. She died and changed her family dynamic too. Everything changed my mother in law animated the house with life they had four pets the house was full of light, and talking, and laughing, and cooking and eating and more laughing. It was grand and wonderful – until it wasn’t anymore. There was a hole there. That can not be easily filled. A hole forms in the fabric of the tapestry of your family, your family DNA is broken and not matter how you try you will not put it back the way it was before. It’s changed.
I recounted this story to talk about some of my experiences. To offer fellow caretakers who suffered the pain and guilt that comes along with these terrible illness. I wrote it to let people know who suffer now, and for those whom have long suffered like our family to let them know that they are not alone in these terrible mixed emotions. It was cathartic to recount it really because I do not usually tell it as one continuous narrative. Cancer is awful, I hope for my son’s sake that some day they cure this disease.
…I would not wish cancer on my worst enemy. F$@# CANCER. This is what I have taken away from these experiences…
My 20 Cancer Experience Take Aways
Cancer – Is hard to come to grips with
It will become your families central focus – ever-present in everyone’s mind
Cancer suffers, in many cases, have to endure painful and invasive treatments
Cancer will scare the shit out of you and everyone else
It should become a topic you talk about and is often swept under the table
Platitudes like “we’re going to beat this so we don’t need to talk about it” are nonsense
Even if you do “beat” cancer, you should talk about it, a lot
Cancer is going to break everyone’s heart – know this
You will say things like his/her death was “a blessing” that ended his/her suffering
You probably will not feel very blessed – you should get help dealing with your feelings
Care takers of the terminally ill must make sure they take care of themselves too
Cancer is a family disease, you will all suffer along with the one you love
The Cancer club is very large – there are people available who understand and can help
Grief comes in stages – when you love someone it may take a while to get over
It’s OK if you get over it fast or slow, everyone is different
Talking about pain, suffering, and your feelings, is a salve that can heal emotionally
If you are troubled go get help, look in the phone book call the cancer society, call your church, call your best friend – call someone and tell them that this is taking an emotional toll – people want to help you.
Being sick, or feeling sad is not a crime, you should never feel guilty to “burden others” if you are really suffering. Many times I would talk about illness with my Mother or Grandmother, most others would not bring it up. I could see the relief on their faces just to have a short chat about the feelings or fears.
I know what it’s like to suffer through this – if you need someone to reach out to
It will get better, really, it will. Until it does, you have my sympathy I assure you.
Chapter 10
Cancer’s Aftermath
…Next Chapter Summary Below…
I plan to tell my own story and hopefully interview some of my friends who similarly experienced these kind of events. I would like this to be a post people can read and add their own story in the comments section as a living document. If you are experiencing this disease now as a sufferer or as someone who is trying to ease the pain and suffering of a loved one. I wanted to write this down so you could see these feelings are similar. Anyone that experienced cancer knows what it’s like. All members of a terrible club that no one wants to join, all the members know how one another feel.
Do you have your own cancer story of a loved one or family member? If you feel it could be cathartic to leave your feelings in the comments section, please do. Get them off your chest feel and free yourself of this burden in comments section below. Hopefully this was of some service to someone and someone can relate to this and hopefully benefit in some small way.
Next Chapter’s Content…
The feelings which accompany terminal illness for the sick and the well.
The silent suffering of the healthy, and the mixed emotions of long-term care giving
The anger, guilt and shame that can accompany this rotten awful disease….
This next section could be many chapters long … for now … it is to be continued later… in the cancer chronicles…
Remember Get Smart the popular comedy television show in the 60’s? I do. It centered on the life of Maxwell Smart, hapless secret agent. The thing that sticks out in my mind is the overall theme, the forces for good working in a shadow spy organization to maintain order. The villainous spy organization known as “Kaos” working to destroy that order and everything we hold dear. We are programed from an early age to learn this lesson, disruption is bad! When I was watching Maxwell Smart the idea of being a disruptive change agent was met with a sound cracking with a yardstick over my knuckles by a frustrated Catholic nun. Sister, you were wrong! Disruption as it turns out is very good.
10 Notable Disruptors of the Status Quo (In no particular order)
1. Women in Industry
I have been lucky over my career to have worked with very interesting people. One of the things I did during the early stages in my career was work on a Cruise Line. Working on the Cruise Staff of a super-liner as a young single guy you notice one thing that stands out. Women, lots of them from all over the world. The industry employs a lot of women and the infrastructure that supports the industry supports a lot more.
I worked on the cruise ships in the late 90’s when the industry was really starting to grow and thrive. The management staff from a gender equity standpoint however was pretty status quo. At the time I never considered how the industry would evolve and change and what would happen next.
I recently wrote an article about Carnival Cruise Lines and reconnected with some folks I used to work with and interestingly I connected with some new senior leaders in the industry. I could not help notice that many women who worked in supportive roles in related industry who were managers or department heads while I was working there were now senior leadership.
Gender Equality and Industry
At first it did not strike me as odd I met a lot of very capable women during my career and of course a number of these women would get ahead in industry. I looked across the industry and noticed that some of the women I knew as directors were in very senior positions and some of the women who were leaders in related industries had moved into the industry as President, CEO, SVP.
It struck me as interesting because I noted several at first. I wondered as I dug a little deeper how many women were in the pipeline in positions coming up the corporate latter. Something stuck out to me, not only the number of women increasing, but the roles they these up and coming women were filling.
One such female is Edie Rodriquez, CEO of Crystal Cruise Lines, who I admire. She has come to power in an industry formerly dominated by men, despite the odds and her determination, and grit stand out in my mind as key factors in her success. She not only runs a Cruise Line she runs Crystal Cruise Lines, rated number one in quality for many years. Setting the benchmark for quality as a frontrunner.
What stood out in my mind was the dynamics of human nature. You may think you are the most impartial and just decent executive in the world who is not swayed at all by any bias. Then it happens, someone who comes into your organization went to your college, vacationed in the same beach town, played the same sport and without realizing it your comfort level lends itself to bring that young exec up the corporate latter to the C-Suite. We even coined a name for the “Old Boys Club”.
Dynamics of Change – Gender Equality in the C-Suite
Women in the cruise industry who have entered into the senior leadership have statistically overwhelmingly worked for men during their career. According to statistics 94% the last I checked of Fortune 500 CEO’s were men. But, and here in lies the rub, some are women who figured out how to thrive in industry. One I was very lucky to work for Kathy Mazzarella.
Ms. Kathleen M. Mazzarella, also known as Kathy, has been the Chief Executive Officer and President of Graybar Canada Limited since June 1, 2012. Ms. Mazzarella has been the President and Chief Executive Officer of Graybar Electric Company, Inc. since June 01, 2012. She served as the Chief Operating Officer and Executive Vice President at Graybar Electric Company, Inc. from December 2010 to May 2012. She served as a Senior Vice President of Sales and Marketing at Graybar…
If I continued to list her credentials it would fill the page. Kathy suffice it to say is very successful. She has thrived and succeeded in a male dominated industry and has bucked the status quo. Women in industry have a unique advantage when judging other executives, they are more likely to more seriously consider all candidates equally
These women have worked in a male dominated world of very intelligent and powerful men, have had mentors that were males along the way but also were shaped by their own passion and desire to be great and cultivated female role models. Hell now they are female role models themselves.
Female Industry Leaders Cultivating a New Generation of Leadership
This change will keep happening with every successive wave of leadership change powerful women will begin to bring more women into the workforce into leadership over time. In my humble opinion this will be a force that changes the dynamics of business conversations and changes the tone in engagement.
Every man I know who daughters told me having daughters made them better men. They were more careful about how they spoke and acted around their daughters than their sons because they were a bit more protective of their little girls. But the interesting thing that struck me was them being more attentive, more sympathetic, more understanding made them better listeners, and hearing more of what was needed most were able to provide in a more compassionate and engaged way.
Cut to women working in industry, if this totally unscientific sampling of men I know is indicative of an overall larger trend of men interacting with women. Women in industry will change the “tone” of the conversations, they will shift the perspectives of leadership and improve the quality of interaction in business.
I recently read an article where a very senior executive was asked what his management style was, he replied it was empathy, he was surprised at the question and had never been asked. The reply he got was, why not compassion? Have you tried compassion?
In a modern world of connected executives from around the world a greater degree of sensitivity and finesse is required to succeed. It is no longer enough to be understanding, you have to be understanding and care about outcomes so you synthesize your solution sets around engaged and satisfied employees rather than mandating change as you see fit. As the demands on workers increase and productivity gets higher and higher people want to know that their concerns are not only discussed but brought into the larger conversation of company policy and culture. This will be a powerful disruptor of the status quo and a change for good in industry. In Kathy’s recent article she speaks about the quality of life and work life balance.
We all know the names of amazing companies that have and continue to spearhead disruptive change, Apple, Tesla, Space X to name a few.
In a new digital age technology will play a leading role in the frequency of change and the dynamics of change and it has already increased the rate and severity so much now we commonly use the term “Disruptive” change.
3. Internet of Things (IoT) or Internet of Everything
There are few technologies that I know of today that are more interesting than an automated custom made world. A “smart” building and “smart” technology. The idea that someday I will walk into a building and it might know who I am and could even tailor an experience designed for my person comfort is amazing.
You already seeing this in homes and business’ but it will continue to change in ways I cannot predict or imagine.
My parents both worked in the defense industry for their whole career. They worked for a sub-contract organization that was at that time on the leading edge of innovation, technology and change. They would have “family day” and one of the things that would fascinate the kids would be a computer programmer making a giant Snoopy the Dog poster from 1’s and 0’s by programing a computer to print the image on green and while lined paper. At that time there was a very large “computer room” where IBM computers were working 24 hours a day. A giant interconnected web of computational power unlike any the world had seen before. Running digital information onto reel to reel tape to change the way the world was working at the time.
Now the telephone in my pocket has more computational power than that whole room probably. Before my Mother passed away Apple announced it had crossed the threshold of supercomputing in portable form. They now had a machine that could make 1,000,000 computations in one second.
This computer was so powerful it was banned from sale in certain countries. I asked my Mom if I told her that I would have a computer in my brief case that would be more powerful than that whole room of computer at work, what would she have said in the 70’s. She said without any hesitation I would not have believed that was even possible at that time. I probably would have laughed.
4. Energy as Disruptor
Yes we of course thing of solar power as a technology of tomorrow but now with the advent of better more powerful battery systems the concept of solar power being stored and viable for consumer use on a much larger scale is not only possible but happening right now with Elon Musk in Australia.
This battery technology combined with technology like a microgrid have tantalizing possibilities for things changing in another entrenched old school business energy. What will happen with solar and battery storage in the future is far from certain but my point is we live in a time of interesting and increasingly relevant changes that will have a greater and greater impact on the quality of our lives. Below I will post an article about what microgrids are for anyone who would be interested.
As we look to tomorrow the companies that are best at embracing changes are going to be the ones that thrive. The companies that harness the dynamic nature of change as a force of good will be the ones who lead not follow in a modern age.
7. Controls and Devices
There are companies like www.GraybarElectric.comwww.schneider-electric.com/www.legrand.com that will lead the way in connected devices and controls that will shape the future and it is an exciting time to live. I cannot predict the number of changes and the nature of changes but the one thing I know is things are going to change. Changing for the better is up to those companies in leadership positions that embrace change and harness the power of chaos and disruption for the betterment of our lives
8. Transportation
I could write all day if I include every major disruptive technology but another major entrenched and old school industry is being disrupted by Hyperloop technology. High speed trains, once the most modern thing in transportation and reserved for just a few countries with the technology and money to carry the idea out is not old news. I am not a conspiracy theorist but Elon Musk must be one of the reptile people human alien hybrid, otherwise my life in comparison is an abysmal failure. Slow down Musk, you’re making us ordinary puny humans look bad!
This makes the idea of Uber look at lot less sexy and interesting but if you told me my neighbor would drive me to work in his car for money like a cab a few years ago I would have laughed in your face. It is amazing how many things are changing the rate they are changing and the way that they change.
9. Banking (Seriously Banking)
The idea of digital currency is still something I cannot quite get my mind around and I am seeing it every day in the news, Block chain. This idea would have been the ramblings of a science fiction buff years ago, a futuristic world were currency and legal tender were no longer valid and we paid with our galactic universal I.D.
Well tomorrow is today people it’s happening for better or for worse and it will stand things on their ear. In ways that are not even known yet.
10. Bank of England (BOE) and Fintech
Huh? I get a connection request on LinkedIn I see the person works for a company FIN TECH. I’m not a banker and I don’t think much about banking but finacial technology in the age of bid data and a connected world, and bitcoin is becoming increasingly relevant and important to the long term plans of major banks. I come to find out, this person is on the leading of a change, that is considered so fundamental that officials from the bank of England are giving speeches about it.
The idea that a mainstream institution that has been in existence for so many years’ regulating currency and market rates would embrace changes like this is indicative of just how fast and how dramatically things are changing. It is an amazing time we live in.
I am increasingly more and more fascinated with radical change makers and inspirational leaders today. More than ever before things are changing and not incrementally, monumentally and quickly.
Weather all the changes will be for the better will be for our robot overlords to decide I suppose, as they light their robotic cigars, burning this digital money to light them laughing and saying oh those humans are priceless. (Just kidding—I hope!).
I have decided the nuns were entirely wrong – the change makers, and disruptors of the world are really the leaders. They are waving their hands and trying to get people to pay attention to an oncoming virtual tsunami of sweeping radical changes and the change makers will be the ones who are the early adopters of disruptive constructive, radical change.
In honor of Dad, John F. Walker Sr. A humble and distinguished man who lived his life honestly, demonstrating integrity, character and love – He showed us the way through life with his torch light. He’s passed his torch, I try to follow his example in my life – Love and miss you everyday.
I recently read a post of a eulogy for a man who recently lost his father. My own father passed away a number of years ago but it is still an emotional touch stone. An old friend just lost his Dad, we spoke about it the other night.
We spoke of course of his Dad and memories of days gone by, his general manner, style. We spoke of the nature of this particular loss, the loss felt over a parent, especially the loss a son feels when his father passes.
There are seminal moments in every man’s life that etch themselves indelibly into your memory. You can see this clearly in any person with Alzheimer’s Disease. People with this disease will recount days past as clearly as if they’re happening that very moment, they perceive people who left a mark on their consciousness so vividly.
My own aunt had this terrible disease and often asked her long time spouse when her Dad and brother would arrive. They had both died many years earlier but she could still recall the memory so vividly that she would tell stories about them and laugh as if it happened days before. She was confused, why had they chosen not to come? During her life interaction with her beloved family etched itself so deeply into her mind, even this awful illness could not erase.
The special relationship shared with parents is different than others, their passing is acute, the burden of this grief can be very difficult
This terrible event (A parent’s passing) is ushered in with doctors and lawyers usually, signing paperwork and putting things in order you never even knew existed to certify the next steps. There are legal papers needed to be filed to prove, without any question, your loved one has indeed died. Then every single person, your beloved owes so much as a nickle, quickly forms a line to get it.
After such time the appointed person or agency presiding over this matter decides all the debts are paid you get what your parent or parents worked for their whole lives. Not so fast says Uncle Sam, you owe me your inheritance tax, surprised you comply and pay Uncle Sam. Thinking now your troubles are over and you can get on with your mourning. Not so fast, Uncle Sam exclaims again, you have to pay tax on the income you received from that money I just took the other tax from, last time we talked.
You agree (again) and pay more taxes. Your now free to grieve, and mourn or are you? Not so fast says a realtor, you need the sell your childhood home or keep paying the mortgage, to do that, you need to go through all the boxes full of cards and letters, family vacations, gifts you made in grade school and get rid of what’s not important. Then take away what’s valuable, you make decisions – who gets what – if you have siblings. Then you grieve right? Not so fast says, some family member, Dad said he would give me that or I’m attached to that, etc…
During times like these the world conspires against you, as if no one wants to give you space to breath, take in the enormity of the tasks at hand and make the mental adjustments.
you’re now the standard bearer for your family, you’ve been handed the torch – now “Man of the House” – you’re the parent now not the child. You feel a sense of dread in this moment, knowing someday your children will have to go through this too, when you pass the torch.
I can say without hesitation, in my case, I did not have a difficult time with regrets or angry siblings fighting over a chair or table. Oddly we separated all the material things without any disagreement at all very quickly and sold my parent’s house in two weeks. The hard part was the letting go. Every scrap of paper I threw away felt like a betrayal against my parent’s. It must have been important to them because they saved it for some reason in this box or on that shelf.
Every Christmas card and letter felt like a sacred text that came down from the mountain, etched in stone by the hand of the divine maker himself. For me it was so daunting, I just could not deal with it and rented a large storage unit, literally put it off for three years. Up until the time of this article writing there are still boxes in my basement I could not empty.
Stages of grief in psych 101, turn out to be very real
After you get through many difficult tasks and copious paperwork and administration, you’re allowed to celebrate the life of this person and honor them. Usually in the majority of my friends this happens with some ceremony or funeral rights.
Now you’re really in for it, this is when it all becomes real. All those photos you so treasured, from those boxes you emptied, your life on display. These are going on display for your fiends and family, maybe in a multi-media slide show or apple movie! This fills your heart with a lot of those emotions from the moments you cherished and shared and the certain knowledge that you will not share any more. For me these days were like a symphony with every member playing in his own key. The feelings and mixed emotions come in waves. The strange thing is you fear this day and dread it’s coming but when it arrives it is the best part of this process. There are usually many people you know and love to offer consolation and most importantly to show just how valid this feeling of loss and longing is. How beloved and missed your family member will be to them. Its a testament to the life they lived and it really makes you feel better. You feel that love and take it in and it washes over you and soothes your soul.
If you have a father that was a veteran, the roller coaster of emotions you feel during military honors is indescribably heart rendering. Your heart melts with pride, and as the coronet player sounds taps with that horn the loss hits your heart like a hammer ringing a bell.
“On behalf of the President of the United States, the United States Navy and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one’s honorable and faithful service.”
When these words are spoken they have a profound, lasting effect on you. A military funeral, as ceremonies go, is about as simple and direct an affair as you could ask for. But every movement has been perfected by the unfortunate practice having been repeated so many times in our history. Every moment of the ceremony is poignant. It’s an honor that fills you with pride and a remarkable spectacle – impossible to capture with words.
You recognize at once the solemnity of this ritual and the profound nature of every word and deed. The sounding of taps is haunting, even today, many years after my dad’s passing I’m transported back in time to the sailor who stood at the door of the chapel to play taps for my Dad. When I look at his warriors heart contained in the folded flag, on display in my home, I think of him – proud of his selfless service.
Getting back to the roller coaster of feelings, the heart swell of this ceremony and heartfelt love you feel at the wake and funeral passes away, in short order. You’re left sorting and sifting through your lives in the form of possessions and memories and when you’re alone you feel the loss most. At least, in my case, I did. It was the moments no one was around, when I would break down. This loss felt exceptional, unlike anything else I had ever experienced, it would creep in when least expected.
In my case my father died when my children were both very young. I felt like my wife was so busy raising our kids, she had a full-plate, my kids were too young to understand what was wrong. I would push down these feelings. I would go out to my car to drive to work, I would make it around the corner and sometimes, stop, just out of sight of my family, to dry tears that would momentarily make it impossible to drive the car. The feelings would flood in waves, torrents all at once that could not be controlled, like water from a broken water main. It was not a drip, drip, drip it was a gusher.
During this stage, the “depression stage” was deeply rooted and heart felt grief and a sense of loss was so profound it felt like any time I allowed myself the luxury of a joyful memory from good days gone by, the well-spring of emotions would surly follow – it would take me away. in my mind, like a tornado picking up Dorothy’s house in The Wizard of Oz.
I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Toto!
What should I do now? Was a frequent inside voice question asked
Strangely in a similar way to the events in that movie the day does come when the sky clears and somehow life some makes sense again – you figure out how to go on and move forward. Now the joyful stories come forth and you smile and laugh. You feel the loss but experience joy at the same time.
You pull back the curtain … to receive insights into courage
Somehow the madness and tears, confusion and depression clear away and the clouds part and you begin again. Your the parent now, the torch bearer, the family standard holder. If feels strange at first. It does not feel correct, its like new shoes. You were measured, you know they fit in your mind but they take some breaking in to feel like you own them. This new found courage feels about the same, you know you own it and you paid for it but it takes a bit of breaking in.
You have the courage and move ahead, but sadly there’s no medal
Take my word for this, when and if this day comes. You will find a way, you will have the courage, there’s no place like home. There is no man behind any curtain, coming with medals but you will see the rainbow and ride the damn thing to the other side of grief and there will be joy in your heart again. This day will comes, and you feel the earth shift under your feet when you realize it has. You’re the man of the house now and that is OK. You are the parent now and you hold the standard for the family instead of your dad and you earned this honor. I personally like to think, somewhere, there is a divine creator an architect of the universe who knows my heart and planned my life, for better or worse. I needed to take heart, move forward, and become the torch bearer and light for myself and my family.
It’s hard to do but the rainbow is coming – I promise you, when you find the courage in your heart that moves you forward, the rainbow will be there waiting.
While you tell all the stories to your family and friends of wonderful days gone by you once shared with the previous lamp of wisdom in your life. You will laugh again at these stories and they will laugh with you and under a clearing sky – you will again see the rainbow.
***…let us arise and go up to Bethel, I will make an altar there to God, who answered me in the day of my distress and has been with me wherever I have gone.”
There is one thing I know for certain, none of us get out of here alive. Savor the days you get to share with your family. Time conquers all and will conquer you too.
There is no substitute for saying “I love you, I missed you, I’m proud of you, I’m sorry, I’m glad you’re here”. Don’t wait to say these things, don’t think some thing of value or delight replaces the words and deeds that show you care. Tomorrow is not the best time to say it, today is, right now!
A cynic will promise two things, death and taxes. Have courage because the architect of the universe is waiting to pin that invisible medal for courage on your heart, when he does you will be free to enjoy what ever is over the rainbow. Death if final, but your memories last forever, at least for you they do. Don’t wait to work things out with the ones you love. Things won’t “work themselves out” if you leave well enough alone.
If you want rainbows, you need courage, invisible courage medals are pinned on for merit by universal architects, not for showing up. Show-up, suit-up, shut-up and be brave.
Get through the messy parts of accepting the torch. Grief is as messy process, not a simple one happening on your schedule. It’s a process, with a beginning, middle and end and one that offers beauty and joy over the metaphorical rainbow and what’s better than that?
My friend, I promise, there is a rainbow! Until you get there, remember the heaviest burdens are drawn by teams for a reason. Each member of your team wears their yoke and pulls some of your load, the team is arranged in a determined order – the course is charted to avoid pitfalls and perils. Have faith in the power of your team to pull you through in times of greatest need – that’s what your team is there for. Don’t be downcast the hoop you need to jump through is larger than you think.
Somewhere over the rainbow… this will all make sense. Have faith – it will all work according to plan. All my love to friends and foes alike – we’re in this life together, I don’t want to wait for tomorrow to say I love you and appreciate you all, today.
***POST SCRIPT: The Bethel mentioned in the above bible passage has no relationship to my old buddy, Col. David Bethel – I had to put this disclaimer in or he might think God wrote him into the bible to illustrate the greatness of the Marine Corps. God Blessed the USMC with Col. Bethel who selflessly serves our nation and the Marine Corps – I appreciate your service buddy.
By Andrew Walker – If you liked this article please “like and share” it.
2. He was a great tickler (I was three, so that was pretty important to me) 
My siblings were older and had greater understanding of what was happening
The idea of digital currency is still something I cannot quite get my mind around and I am seeing it every day in the news, Block chain. This idea would have been the ramblings of a science fiction buff years ago, a futuristic world were currency and legal tender were no longer valid and we paid with our galactic universal I.D.
Andrew J. Walker 